A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an amazing wonderful girlfriend but it gets extremely annoying and upsetting because she can't see me as "manly". I don't like football and she thinks I'm not a man. I tend to show my emotions more and I'm a little sensitive and she thinks I'm a pussy. I don't like foods that are too spicy and she thinks I don't have real Mexican decent ( my parents are Mexican)She always complains about me not being a man but other than that it's all good. Any advice on how to deal with this?Plus I can't talk to her about it because she thinks it's unmanly Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): Ahahahaha my boyfriend is always telling me he feels like the girl in the relationship and I never know whether to be insulted or amused.
He obviously doesn't mean to hurt my feelings; but is he putting himself down with comments like this? I think he is and all I can try an do is let him know, I like him just they way he is.
You're girl sounds a tad insecure. Just tell her you would prefer if she didn't call you unmanly, it's derogative to you or somthing. If she doesn't get the point and it really bothers you - try councilling.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 November 2011):
 How do you talk to her?
Like this:
"I don't want to see you anymore. Our relationship is over."
Glad to help.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 November 2011):
 No man should ever put up with a girl questioning his manliness. I would dump her immediately, personally. But her type is the norm, I think, not the exception; all that sets her apart is she was upfront about it. The problem may reoccur with later girls, depending (I don't know you, so I honestly couldn't make any judgments about how masculine you are in real life).
Here's the thing - when she says these things, do you back down? Do you tell her it hurts your feelings? Did you respectfully disagree? None of these things work. The only reward you will ever get for putting up with this kind of crap is more crap. Look her in the eye and tell her, without any hint of hesitation of fear (including fear of losing her) that you are not out for her approval that you are living according to your own ideals, and she can either get on board or keep quiet. If she persists, dump her.
Most things, I'd be all in favor of a more back-and-forth dialogue, but some things just require you to shut the other person down, no matter who they are.
Not liking football or spicy food doesn't mean anything. Showing emotion is fine to a degree; some stoicism in the face of hardship would probably benefit you, though. One last thing:
"...I can't talk to her about it because she thinks it's unmanly."
This is the only genuinely unmanly thing in your post that you list. Read this carefully: you are NOT looking for her approval. Ever. For any reason. And that includes avoiding a subject because she has a problem with it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 She needs to either accept you for who you are or else let you go and find someone who appreciates who you are. It is not unmanly to actually communicate with your girlfriend, no matter what she thinks. She needs to be told how this makes you feel so you need to sit down and tell her. Stand up to her and tell her that it is unacceptable for her to be putting you down all the time. That will show her that you are not to be messed around with.
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A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Most girls would like a sensitive guy. And not every guy likes football some may prefer boxing others may like tennis EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!
She doesn't think your of Mexican decent because you don't like spicy food? Well I,m Irish and I don't like drinking so does that mean I,m not Irish? Thats just plain silly if you ask me.
There are two main things I strongly suggest to you
1. Step up to her show her how manly you can be.
Or
2.Talk to her, Now that takes a real man and Courage to talk about a problem to a girl. Ask her what makes you unmanly and what makes a real man I'm sure when you talk to her about this she may realise that she was wrong about you .
Good Luck :D
XXX
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