A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really down at the moment. I was getting to know a really wonderful girl, and then the last two months things have gone from talking daily, to it appearing like me texting her is a nuisance. She told me we need not speak daily, that I am high maintenance, now no more good morning messages as she doesn't need them all the time.I have written down all the 'bad' things i could have done to have caused this, but still none to my view are worth this new stance of hers. They range from helping a female friend, to expressing my thoughts about her to not being attentive to a date we had in choosing the location, but i am confused.I am now at the stage where i have nearly exhausted my capabilities beyond my capabilities, she promised to call yesterday and never :(.How do i approach this now, tell her what i feel? i don't want to beg anyone to go out with me, plus my stance if we can't be friends and very good friends first, how sustainable is it to have a relationship? Similarly, i want to keep my dignity and hers too, i don't want her to feel like i am blaming her, i try to be chivalrous and a gentleman, how do i adhere to that?I attempted, although I have not been a success, how to stop thinking of her in those terms too now?
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (10 April 2011):
Hi OPYou've already had some excellent advice here. I will just chime in with my two cents.My ex was similar to your gf in that he wanted quite a lot of space. He didn't call or text much, and to be honest he ended up holding all the cards regarding when we did or didn't contact one another. That is the way he was- he liked to have space. I on the other hand don't really, and my fiance doesn't really either. We text quite a lot, call, etc, and pretty much always have done since we started going out. We are the types who like to have that contact. Some people, however aren't. I remember finding it really hard not having much contact with my ex, and it made me unhappy because it's not how I am. What I am trying to say is, don't try too much to mould yourself and your relationship into how your gf wants it to be. There's nothing wrong with wanting to text good morning, or whatever, as long as the person you are texting is into that sort of thing as well. You might just be different people in this respect, and you have to work out whether you want things to be like she wants, or whether that would make you unhappy. It doesn't sound like you've done anything to annoy her. I would also say that I think it is rather rude of her to say that she would call and then not to. In particular I feel this is bad if you are consciously trying NOT to get in contact, which basically means she has you waiting around on her every move. That sort of behaviour isn't really fair, in my opinion.I would give things a few days and see what happens. If your are in a relationship then I think regular contact, even if it's just a text here and there, is important. If you don't hear from her for a few days I think you are due an explanation. If she then says she needs more space I think you really need to re-evaluate what you are getting out of this relationship. Good luck OP- I know how it feels. Keep us posted!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Oops im sorry, i don't mean to get you worried or upset you, Im just throwing it out there. The only way you will know is ask her, even ask her straight out is there someone else, but you have to prepare yourself because you may not like ther answer, but at the same time it might be absolutely nothing. Ring her up and talk to her.If its not that just take her word for it, but tell her you want to know where you stand.Hope it works out for you.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, Deidre, you may be right.She says she still keeps contact with both her exes, the 1st because they were together loads, she is more secretive of the second, she doesn't speak about him much, however they do speak a bit, I don't ask. You are right, I tried to ignore that possibility, but she did say they were on and off, maybe he is back in the picture?If I do mention him, she mentions very little, the other she is more open about, do you think this could be a sign she still has feelings for him, especially as he was the one who broke it off but they resolved stuff.You may have opened up my worst fears..... :(As for personal stuff, work is hard right now, but she knows i always ask about it and i am there 24/7 to listen without fail. You may be onto something though about an ex, it was recent too they broke up, he did it, not her, she still wanted to try then.If so, I won't want to be chosen like a raffle, because who is to say she may not change her mind?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): The only thing to do is some "straight talk" tell her you are confused, ask her how she feels, tell how you feel, everything you need to know.You say she has been hurt in the past and the its since the two of you got close that she has started pulling away. Well it would be that closeness that she fears, if she had feelings for you her first thought would be to make sure she doesnt get hurt, and not to make her feelings known until she is certain you feel the same... It may be that an ex is trying to win her bac and she is torn between you both. Maybe she has a lot of personal stuff to deal with and doesnt want to bother you with it..Who knows, the only way you will put your mind at rest is to ask her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers so far, great insight.She hasn't directly asked for space, but the way she behaves now indicates she wants less time? We still do text when she is at work, i help her through the day as her job is boring, then after work, she doesn't contact me at all until the next morning when she goes to work, even weekends she limits contact.As for sex, she knows i am a virgin, i am not after that at all, one of the least of my concerns, she knows that, but i do let her know she is a really nice girl, beautiful and interesting, i don't make suggestive comments.She has mentioned she was hurt in the past, but from what i know of the other guys, i am different in my circumstances, the other guys had baggage that played a role. however it is true, she has said she doesn't want to be hurt, if so, why withdraw so much when we were getting closer, it's not like i don't know her past :(Nice to know women do do this, but even right now, i don't feel i can arrange a date, i had a few lined up as a surprise, but i won't be able to give 100% of myself to her the way i am feeling without knowing how she feels and why she needs space, or if there is something else to it.Any more comments are welcome, i am really new to love and dating, hence i don't know what to do, she is the 1st woman to make me feel like this ever :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Maybe the fact that your coming on so strong, is making her question your motives? She might think you are just trying to sweet talk her into bed. Of course from what you say you really like this girl, but thats how it might come across to her.Her saying she needs space could be her way of protecting herself from getting hurt, she may have been hurt badly in the past, so she would be afraid of getting too close, hence why shes doing the whole pulling away thing.My advice is give her space for awhile, then contact her and let her know how you feel, put her mind at ease and ensure her that your not playing her and your not just after sex. After that its up to her, you have made your feelings known, if theres no come back well then you should move on.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 She needs more space, so give her more space man! That's her way of saying that you're being clingy and honestly that COULD be the only problem. It isn't necessarily a mask for another problem... so stop writing down things you could have done to annoy her.
Stop acting clingy. Stop sending pointless repetitive messages like good morning, good night etc. Don't allow yourself to contact her until she contacts you, ie. if you send her a msg, don't send her another one until she contacts you back. Multiple msgs in a row without a response can make you come across as needy.
Most people need a certain amount of space and when you start encroaching on that personal space, that's when problems can arise. See she's been throwing out all these hints that she needs space by not replying instantly, maybe ignoring arbitrary msgs or becoming annoyed. She wants you to back off a bit, but you haven't been picking up these hints I suspect- to the point where she's openly come out and said that she needs more space.
So dude... give her space... and try to relax yeh? If you need a significantly larger amount of contact with any romantic partner you're involved with and they're not ever going to come close to wanting the same... hate to say it, but that's a massive sign of incompatibility and it might just be best to move on and find someone better suited to you.
Good-luck :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Although this may make you feel upset, or make you feel as if your girlfriend wants to end it, it may not mean this. There are definitely other reasons as to why she may want space.
For instance,
She could be really wrapped up in work and not want any distractions, which, unfortunately, includes you.
She may feel as if she has no freedom, as if, maybe you are stopping her from having some fun with her friends.
Your girlfriend is doing something we girls all do at one stage. It isn't anything different, it's just, sometimes we feel we need a bit of space. Girls like to have their 'own' time. If you didn't spend LOTS of time with her, she still could think your limited time was too much to begin with. Maybe she is just that kind of girl.
As for the 'no goodmorning texts' , maybe she deems it unnecessary. Maybe, she has not got the Ego, to text back and doesn't want to seem rude about it, so put a stop to it altogether.
Just because she wants space,doesn't mean things are going badly. Maybe call her and organise one special date, tell her, it's absolutely essential, or just very important to you that you talk with her. SHe will understand, and you can talk everything out when you see her.
Hope I helped. = )
P.S. As for the things you've listed that could have been wrong, they are most likely not the cause for her to act like this. Everyone does those things, you are not alone!
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