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Girlfriend of a year wants a break

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 3 August 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *pinnaker89 writes:

So me and my giirlfriend were together for about a year. About three weeks before school let out, we got into a small fight that was used to tell me that she wanted a break for the summer. She said it was for the best for both of us and that she wanted us to work and this was the only way. She comes from a different background and lifestyle as her family is divorce and has some issues. She said that she want to make sure I was what she wanted and that she needed space right now, but that we would keep in touch over the summer. She ended the year with, I want us to work and I love you. In the end, it might or might not work out.

So, being a little more than a month into the summer, I have yet to recieve a call from her to just talk and catch up on things, and its only me trying to make the communication. She always gets stress when i bring anything up about us. Is she trying to break it off with me in a slow drawn out way? She has basically put me at the point where we dont talk at all. I dont know what to do cause I love her more than anything, but im being strung along right now, and my fears are that she is going to wait the whole summer to break up with me and do it in the end. Any advice on what i should do or attemp.

View related questions: a break, divorce, I love you

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A male reader, spinnaker89 United States +, writes (3 August 2009):

spinnaker89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey, been awhile, but I just wanted to say thanks to you guys that answered. She never ended up calling, she just kinda bs'd me around for like 2 months. I went to OSU the first week i got back and met my friends roommate, and we ended up talking a lot all summer, and she finally came up to visit and it seems like there might definitely be something there. So new issue. She lives 3.5 hours away when were on breaks, and 6 hours when were both at school. Ugh, any tips on how to make it work the best?

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A male reader, spinnaker89 United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

spinnaker89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well, her best friend has been trying to snoop into me and asks how im doing and what not, cause i think she is clearly trying to get the info out of me for her. She has just really been over expressing her interest in staying together and that she wants us to work out. I just cant sit around all summer being strung along, and how are we suppose to work in the end if she doesnt talk to me all summer

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A female reader, malibugirl Ireland +, writes (15 June 2009):

I think that perhaps she does want it to work out but I don't think it's fair when you like her so much to just wait for the summer and then see. I think you need to move on from this, if she doesn't want to be with you, that is difficult to accept but if you did/do like her, respect her decision and start concentrating on yourself.. what are you going to do next? You need to put a bit of time into yourself, regain a bit of confidence and move on. Taking control for yourself now, might be good for you.. would you rather wait till September and then break up? Would you rather say, ok, let's leave things and see what happens in the future, move on from it and if something was to develop in the future it could be a bonus.

She is not going to find you attractive if you pester her, are needy or upset, be as calm as you can be about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

whenever you hear the following words come from a woman's mouth; "space" "break" "let's be friends" 99.9% of the time they're letting you go. that's a "nice" way for them to break up with something. She's still young and she's probably has her eyes set on somebody else. I'm sorry but this is truth. How many people actually get back together from a "break"?, very very few couples.

She's out there pursuing her options. She might've liked you, alot even, but she never saw you two spending the rest of your lives together forever. I think you can take a hint, because she hasn't called you. She's gone and she ain't coming back.

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A male reader, redemptionsean United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

My friend she's just not that into you. She was trying to make a break and using catch phrases like "we need to work" or "i need to know if this is what I want". It all translates into "I am leaving." At this point, it will hurt a lot, but cut your losses. Life is full of pain like this and none of us escapes without feeling some. Take care of yourself, lift yourself up and learn from this. You will be better off. And hey, her loss right?

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