A
male
age
30-35,
*jcl
writes:I met this girl mid june. we were texting and seen each other at a couple parties. towards the end of june we finally got together. we would get together more often soon led to just about every otherday then around mid july we were together just about every day. whether it was taking trips somewhere, parties, or cuddling watchin tv. she had to leave for college (4 hrs from me) late aug. before she left we agreed on trying the long distance relationhip. she plays volleyball for the school. so the first few weeks she was super busy. but was so excited to call, text, skype me when ever she could on free time. at one point she was crying because she missed home and all so i had flowers sent to her place...she cried when she got them. we had planned when i was coming down to visit. the only available times she was free was on some saturdays and sundays. i made a visit after 3 weeks i think a month after she left. things were great. i made more visits. about every other 2 weeks 3 weeks....recently things have been a little rocky here there. i have made visits about every other weekend and sometimes back to back in the past month or so..i everytime i would see her i would bring a little gift. a few were very nice things. after a couple times she would say things like stop gettin me things and all. recently i stopped....ok so heres where things get weird... things were good up until a week or two before her last week of volley ball. she became a little more distant. during season she would call me in the morning walking to class and inbetween her classes. and then once before practice and then once after and once before sleeping. she cut down alot about two weeks ago. two weekends ago she invited me down for an event so i came..i wasnt plannin on comin that weekend i was plannin on coming this past weekend. but i could tell something was different. we havent hooked up the past 3 times iv seen her. she said shes been on her period for two of them. but last week she stopped calling in between classes and in the morning. and towards the end of the week when i left on friday i would text her and she wouldnt respond.... i finally get to her place and we had to leave to make a train into new york. she couldnt find something to wear and was being very snappy at me..but ok heres where it gets interesting for me... we get on the train and she asks how to spell something in spanish..so i tell her and ask why she said oh im texting that kid they are in a tourny for soccer...this kid is i guess mexican..anyway i was like oook so...we get into ny and visit my brother for the night. she was on her phone constantly. if not textin..checking it. we sleep at my brothers place and wake up around one and walk through grandcentral park where i notice they have an ice rink up..so i asked hey this is cool wanna do it she shut it down and i was just like oh come live a little. so we walk down the strip and stop in this nike store. we get to the soccer floor and the way they had it set up looked cool. she then pulls out her phone and takes a pic..thats where i felt weird. i noticed she had it ready to send to someone..geee who could it be. must be the soccer player. we end up walking more and we must have stopped in about every shoe and clothing store...this also upsets me because if im willing to stop in store with her why wouldnt she just go ice skating with me?..ok so we walk some more and she still texting. and at some points when we were walking holding hands. she would let go and cut around someone walking slow..ok uderstandable but she would keep walkin the same pace with me behind her. she did this a few times through out the night. she would also pick at things i would say and it would turn into a little stupid argument.time goes by were on a train again going back upstown and shes texting..i lean over i see that kids name and i go..still texting that kid huh..and she says umm yea there in a tourney..at this point i was so upset and could tell something was wrong between us. we find dinner..it went well. and on the way back to the station to head home she seems a little more normal being close to me and giggling more. on the train back home she would cuddle up and hold my hand. i was so confused... we get back to her dorm we sleep and then i leave early for a job that sunday morning. i talked to her late sunday night and brought up the weekend and how i though something is wrong. She was saying things like she needs time to think about things and how I want to be serious and shes not sure if she wants that. She is a freshman and wants to meet people and go out. She had to go and we hung up. I was feeling up set so I texted how I felt and that iv been nothing but a great bf and making visits buying her flowers and how much she means to me and all. And she responds with this….”see theres the problem..you act like you do everything right and your so awesome. Like wtf I don’t get it. Yes you do nice things for me..but your not humble about it. You tell everyone how mean I am to you or last you make it seem like I am and then I look like shit. Idk I just need a little space for a few days to think about things and I think you do too.” So I called later that night saying sorry and all and im all for giving her space..not sure what exactly was said my short term mem is kicking in…this is really messed up..she went on facebook with my phone earlier in the weekend and left it on. Sunday night I went to use the internet on it and noticed she was logged in so I clicked the messages. Her friend messaged her this “I found something to make your day”..it was a photo of the kid she was texting…and my gf responded in caps..”where did you find this..i need more”. And her friend then told her where. I wanted to puke when I saw it. My heart dropped and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell her I was on her facebook that would have looked bad. So I called her and was like what is going on what did I do? I told her I apologize for the things she told me that bothered her and I went on asking is it bc of this kid..do you like him and be honest..she would say no hes just a friend I just met…I couldn’t believe she would lie…also I mentioned what do you need space for? She said I just need time to think I would like to relax this week and be free ..soemthing like that. So I asked what do you mean to be single for a week she said no no I just need time to think.. . I told her to call back when she was done with hw. She did and kind of had the same convo right before and towards the end she got snappy and I said you know what..were done.were done..and all she said was…k. Monday comes I hadn’t heard from her..around noon my phone rang for 1 sec and hung up.. it was her so I thought she may have done it on accident or idk.. so I called back she said sorry I didn’t mean to call..im eating whats up? I said what I was doing and that I didn’t wanna bother her..she said she would call me when she got back to the dorm….6 oclock comes she hasn’t called so I did no answer. I texted her 20 min later saying I would appreciate it if you called me back I wanna talk to you she said sorry you called as I was walking into the caf ill call after. And hour comes she calls and I began saying im sorry for last night I didn’t mean what I said I was just upset and mad..and that I will give her space and I will work on all the things you brought up. And she was like yea all I need is space.. and then she had to go. She also said before that is going to see me over thanksgiving break..so last night she texted me saying im going to bed text me tomorrow when your free. I responded goodnight, I want to give you your space so txt or call me whenever tomorrow.i miss ya!...but today I couldn’t help it I texted her around noon saying hey just thinking about you seeing how your day is so far! And she texted me not much. But I did ask how to go about this space thing like what are her guidelines…she just said…space…space is space just please go with it…I said ok and haven’t talked toher since…………I know this post looks and may sound crazy, I was typing pretty much what ever came to mind. But please know I have never done anything to hurt her and I love her to death. What do you think it going to happen??
View related questions:
facebook, flowers, long distance, period, player, text, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Yikes i think you should take the hints that she is dropping all over the place like bombs! You are putting a lot off effort into a relationship that is still relatively young. Nothing wrong with being a nice guy.. But ease up cowboy! Remember when she first moved away? You said "we will TRY the long distance relationship". Well, you tried and im sorry to say but it seems like things are not working out. First things first is give her the space she wants! (and did you seriously ask her for guidlines on how to give her space???) you need to accept that even though she hasnt "officially" dumpped you yet, its pretty much over. She has found a new flame and is going with it. You should do the same, but dont be too clingy.. At least until the relationship matures. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): It`s hard to say what will happen. If she`s been dating you for this long she may have gotten bored with you but if you`re as great as you sound then that probably isn`t the case. As for this other guy they may just be friends and you are overreacting. You guys will probably get back together, but you should probably not text her until she`s had enough space.Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, brokenjets +, writes (17 November 2010):
 shes going to SMASH this soccer kid- i think she allready has.i quoted what you said then responded to it.
"how I want to be serious and shes not sure if she wants that." this is you first hint that she wants to hook up with a different guy
"I was feeling up set so I texted how I felt and that iv been nothing but a great bf and making visits buying her flowers and how much she means to me and all" you were being Way too romance novel sappy here. this girl is allready feeling that you are too serious and you say how much she means to you. THat helped to push her away.
."but your not humble about it. You tell everyone how mean I am to you or last you make it seem like I am and then I look like shit." If this is true youre lucky you made it to five months. I believe its true because you brag about yourself in the previous quote
"I told her I apologize for the things she told me that bothered her" Now youre being a text book nice guy for apologizing for being yourself.
"saying im sorry for last night I didn’t mean what I said"
you didnt mean what yousaid? then whyd you say it? the girl NEEDS you to be a solid rock of emotions because she is on a roller coaster of emotions everyday for no reason.
You lost her because you were too nice. Learn how to not be the nice guy at my website womenwantme.com
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Well mate, looks like you do tell everyone what you do for her.
I got to be honest here, when some guy which is new to me, tells me repeatedly what he has done for me, I find him boring.
She is being a bitch by texting another boy she is clearly interested in while you are with her, and leading you on at the same time.
You are a great boyfriend by the looks of it, but she finds you boring.
I don't know how to explain boring, its more an emotional thing, she is a bit of a treat her a little mean to keep her keen however in your case if you treated her mean she would drop you like a fly.
For 3 days - Do not text her, do not ring her, let her contact you first. If you have to cause your heart can't take it any more than contact her. Be thankful you can spy on her in facebook, as you might just need it to see the truth of what she really talks about, and what she really means.
You could let her get hurt by this other guy, cause that is all that is going to happen there.
Start focusing on something else for a bit, you really should look for a new girlfriend. Someone a little more interested in you, and you will find one.
...............................
|
