A
male
age
36-40,
*eamleon87
writes:Hey everyone, I'm 26 and I began dating this girl (22) I met from a friend in undergrad and we immediately hit it off, however the night we met, we slept together. I immediately thought the worst because but eventually we began hanging out more and more then I started to like then eventually love her. The week after we started dating I was accepted into a Nurse Practitioner Program 400 miles away. I knew I loved her so I said we should try long distance. The relationship was great the 1st 8 month as she was beginning community college and working as a massage therapist, I began grad school. However, she said she didn't like the way she looked and began working out with a guy personal trainer friend and his friends getting real results for 2 months. Not to sound jealous, but proud, I supported her for her journey and praised her results, granted I still found time to go to the gym 3-4 days a week. After awhile I noticed she began only posting half naked progress body pics on instagram and not acknowledging our relationship in any way until I brought it up. I also noticed she would make excuses of going to the gym instead of facetiming/calling each other. I noticed she became a "gym rat" and changed her personality way beyond the days of how we were. After some time, I became sick of being blown off, and she said she no could no longer do this long distance. She's been unhappy and had to be in a relationship like when she saw me everyday. I did all I could to say we could work past this but to no avail. I miss her like crazy but my classmates tell me "you're better off without her if shes suddenly more into her looks then the relationship", "you'll be an FNP, you're young and in shape" or "it was bound to happen, find someone better than her." We haven't spoken in a week now and it sucks cause she was like my best friend. It's pretty obvious she wants her trainer (Ripped, buff, no education after high school) or a guy like him now. How do I get past this?
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best friend, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Married people who get stomach-reducing weight loss surgeries have a huge problem with getting divorced afterwards. It happens for the majority of them. They start looking a lot better and usually cannot resist the urge to "trade up" for a more attractive partner.
Losing weight the old fashioned way might not cause the shift to be quite so dramatic but the same issues probably apply. People start looking better and suddenly they want to trade up, having never gotten to experience dating while looking as good as they do.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 July 2013):
 Dude I think you dodged a bullet. She clearly has changed a great deal that could suggest a great deal of insecurity n with that comes lack of comfidence self esteem etc. Believe me she is only craving a man on her level coz thats who she feels secure with. Long distance isnt easy either but move on. End it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): Long distance is hard. Its a real stain and you lose what holds you together because frankly you are not seeing each other. Technology a wonderful thing but it is nothing compare to sitting next to a human being and looking into their eyes. She lost weight. Great for her. But i don't imagine she wants her trainer, ofcourse lot of love for the journey he helped guide her on. Its hard to lose weight. If it gave her more confidence great. But i don't think that is what ended the relationship. I think she just picked up a healthly hobbie and realised there is more to life than talking to a screen. That she felt great to find someone where she is rather than date a computer/telephone.By the way, just because someone doesn't finish high school does not make them thick or lesser. There are different degrees of intelligence and not all require text books/tests.I'd find a girl you can have a closer relationship with x
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