A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend lied to me on an issue that really isn't a big deal but it's causing me some problems with trust.A couple months ago we almost broke up, had a big fight, and then we decided to make up and fix our relationship. It was her who came to me saying she missed me and wanted to try again. During the breakup she had blocked me on facebook. Now that we're back together I asked her if she could refriend me.For some reason she seemed really defensive so I initially dropped it. Later on she said that she planned to delete her FB accoutn anyway because she was getting annoyed with internet drama and the like, so she didn't see the reason to re-friend me.I accepted her statement. a couple of my friends who had her on facebook also said she disappeared so I believed her.I'm a programmer and I had been working on an app for facebook and her account username was in the program as one account that gets queried, and the program uses a different account than my main one. My app happened to show that she not only still has facebook, but basically she just blocked and unfriended all of my friends so that it would look to us like she deleted. I wasn't even trying to look for her, I just expected she'd be gone and was shocked when she popped up in the program. She doesn't even know about my alternate account used for coding and she isn't a friend with it.Now I'm all worked up because even though facebook isn't really a big deal, I feel she lied to me and it's making me nervous that she's either trying to hide something or is at least afraid to be honest with me. Even if she'd just said she doesn't want to refriend me for whatever reason that'd have been better than trying to convince me that she's deleting her account and actually outright asking me to trust her on it.What should I do? Should I confront her? She seems to get really edgy when I mention facebook so I'm afraid to do this. Aside from this issue we are doing OK with fixing our relationship but now I worry that if I don't do something about this it will destroy my trust in her and slowly I'll screw things up. I could ignore it but I now feel I can't trust things she says because she specifically asked for my trust and understanding and then blatantly violated it while trying to hide it from me!Help me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "My girlfriend lied to me on an issue that really isn't a big deal but it's causing me some problems with trust."You can't trust her. It only takes one lie to make a liar. It's not the issue that's the big deal, it's her willingness to lie about it. If she'll lie about something trivial, then she'll lie about anything but I suspect that what she's lying about is NOT trivial, that's why she's lying. "Even if she'd just said she doesn't want to refriend me for whatever reason that'd have been better than trying to convince me that she's deleting her account and actually outright asking me to trust her on it."She didn't/doesn't want you to trust her, she didn't/doesn't want you to ask questions about what she's doing behind your back. "What should I do?"Dump her. "Should I confront her? She seems to get really edgy when I mention facebook so I'm afraid to do this."No point. She'll lie and/or accuse you of violating her privacy, conveniently shifting ALL of the blame onto you. "I can't trust things she says because she specifically asked for my trust and understanding and then blatantly violated it while trying to hide it from me!" Which is why you need to specifically and blantantly dump her. Agree with DV1, she's probably cheating on you and using Facebook to keep her friends in the loop while excluding you and your friends. Plausible scenario: Shes had another guy on the side since before your break-up but she couldn't completely commit to dumping you for him, else she's just stringing you, he or both along. Big question: are you well paid and/or good looking? In other words, what DON'T you have that she would be looking for in another guy? Call her bluff before she bluffs and dump her yesterday, if not sooner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Saying that she planned to do something, and then changing her mind,
= / = lying to you.
Unfriending your mutual friends makes it a bit more suspicious.
But ... you have a Facebook account that she doesn't know about. Could she interpret that as you lying to her? At the very least, you're hiding something from her. Does that mean that she can't trust you?
If my last question sounds ridiculous to you, OP, then let her actions go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): I agree. I would follow up on this farther before confronting her. She's probably hiding something you won't like, either from when you were separated or still going on now.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (15 November 2012):
 I would have someone who's still on her friends list see what she's posting... Most likely, she's cheating, and is ashamed of it. Sorry.
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