A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend and we've been together for 4 months. Everything is wonderful between us. We get along really great. We laugh all the time, the affection and sex is great, we love the same movies, and we're both are very light responsible drinkers the few times we do drink. We see each other every other weekend (she lives a 3 hour drive away) My issue is she is totally broke and won't get a job. She is in vocational school part time and has a few very limited small jobs that bring in about $25-$50 a week. Her phone is getting shut off any day and she's already borrowed money from her parents and now that's running out. We don't live together so should I just stay out of it? I try to be supportive but she gets mad at me for even bringing it up. I AM very bothered by her attitude and it worries me about the future. At the same time I keep thinking I should just stay out of it and let her handle her life. She'll either get a job or be homeless and move back with her family which is 2 more hours futher from where I live. The good news is she hasn't asked me for money, at least not yet. I do take her out for lunch and pay for small things like movies when we're togther.I feel like she's living in a dream world and it's all going to come crashing down on her. I feel helpless and I also am trying not to but I'm losing respect for her.
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male
reader, MauiKahuna +, writes (6 September 2009):
well here's how it ends. She couldn't /wouldn't get a job. She got money from unemployment in a big chunck. Meanwhile she moved her stuff back in to her x-boyfriend's house. She says it will be there for a short time but I don't believe it. She said she was coming to Hawaii to see me but then when I asked her about that she said she had to check her finances. I know what that means!!I got out and it hurts really really bad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all THANK YOU for your responses. Well it seems to be getting worse. Now her cell phone is getting shut off and she keeps bringing it up. To be honest this is affecting my moods and some of my ability to get things done. At the same time maybe in the bigger picture I need to learn how to tough out a situation like this. I just can't believe she won't get a job and shoots down every idea I have for her. Her moods are getting worse too, understandably. I just don't get it...I seriously want to run half the time but at the same time I'm trying to hang in there for her and for our future, if there is one as I feel I'm losing respect but trying not to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOrignal Poster here:
First of all thank you for the advice!
I'm trying to just enjoy this but hearing her desperation over the phone rather than going out and looking for a job really bothers me. It would be so simple for her to make that decision. At the same time it is HER life!
She hasn't refused money from me, I'm pretty sure she would take it. I think it's a horrible time to do that this early in the relationship plus it may enable more of this behavior.
I think the advice is REALLY good to just keep giving her love and support. I'm doing the best I can although it does push me away a bit and make me much less excited to see her. Maybe that's something I need to work on or maybe those feelings are valid. I do eventually want someone in my life who can take care of themselves. Right now she can't do that or won't do it for some reason. I'm hanging in there as best I can.
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