A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am involved with a girl in a lond distance relationship and we've been together for the past 2 years. I was with her for the first year but I had to move abroad for work for a yaer on contract.I've been in touch with her onthe fone for literally every day. SHe's still in college and she was chased bya few guys over there. One of them, got a li'l too close to her.He had proposed to her once and my girl friend told hi mthat she was commited to me. She hangs out with him all the time. Calls him all the time (like they speak to each other the minute they wake up and this goes on whenever they are free... I got to know of this çalling situation'from another source.I am the jealous type and was never too comfortable with the entry of this new guy in our lives. And we've had quarrels on his matter. She insists that he is a real close friend and there is nothing between them. But they are hanging out together, they travel on the train together just for the fun of it. He does favours for her way out of hand for no obvious reason.My girl never told me everything in detail... but she'd tell me things every once in a while. Recently, I had another fight with her and she revelaed to me that he had proposed to her once again. I was furious and asked her to stop it immediately. She did, and they said their final goodbyes... (She was weeping when he left. I asked her why and she was like... he was a good friend of mine and I'm sorry to see him sad.)Now guy in the other hand has been roaming around like a heart broken kid... obviously hinting at things beyond friendship. I know a gu ywho is a mutual friend and he tells me, this guy has been talking about my girl as if there was somethign between them, but the girl never said a 'yes' to him. After all this I spoke to my girlfriend and asked her about what had happened between them. She broke down and revelaed to me that he had once, attempted to kiss her and she pushed him away and had cut him off. This guy had threatened to do somethign to himself and she forgave him over that and they still went on with this so - called friendship.They've know each other for about a year now. And the guy has gone to live at an other city. My concern is, I think I was cheated on an emotional level, with al lthat calling when I was away working my ass off in another country. Secondly, she never told me about that kiss -attempt that guy made on her until I confronted her rcently. And she told me this was quite a while ago. DID SHE CHEAT ON ME??? I am a guy who takes these kind of things seriously.... I accused her of cheating me and she said she was sorry that all of this had to happen. And she offered to break up with me. I am so crazy in love with her and I am ready to forgive her for all this. Maybe some of you might think she never did anything wrong. But this is my personal opinion. I literally begged her to not leave me and told her that things could workout between us and I was willing to have a life with her.I love her so much and I wanna make sure that thigns'll be alright with us. What do I do? How do I get over this whole incident? What do you have to say with regard to this matter??'Confused Soul'
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female
reader, ConstantlyHurt  +, writes (26 July 2009):
Dear Confused Soul,
You can never be sure of your gf really cheated on you (unless you can get info from other sources or opt in hiring some professional help....but that would be a tad creepy....). However, you can be certain that she's not being 100% open with you. Had she been 100% open and honest, she would've told you abt this "kiss-attempt" mere moments after it happened; she shouldn't have waited til you confronted her. It may be that she actually told in fear of being caught. I truly believe that your better half should be your bestfrnd and that there should be a mutual and strong understanding. So for whatever reason she hid that incident, she made a bad choice. As they say "love is blind" and some know of this fact and decide to just close their eyes. You love her so much and you want things to work out.....That's why I'm holding on to my boyfrnd who's doing everything that's close to cheating but isn't exactly cheating. I love him like crazy and even though he's breaking my heart over and over again, I want to be with him cause I love him and he tells me he loves me as well. It's hard to tell you what to do, since no one knows the situation as much as yourself but just think about the long run. Do you wanna go far with her? If so, can you really trust her? If she offered break-up with u, does she really love you? Or does she really love you and the offer to break up was just an empty threat? Or does she not love you and really wants to break up and is using this incident to end things with you?
I know I asked you more questions than provide you with answers. But the truth is that, you'll have to contemplate over these questions and decide what's best for you. I'm sorry your going through this and I hope things will become better soon enough. Take care
'Constantly Hurt'
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