A
male
age
41-50,
*attieNZ
writes:Goes like this.About 5 months ago I got together with a wonderful lady (shes 26 I am 34). We had known each other for several years and saw each other just as friends on a semi regular basis.She has a 5yr old daughter that loves me to bits and I get along with all her friends (they all say I am the best thing to happen to her)I always had feelings for her and made them known to her on a few occasions throughout the years.We always never seemed to be single at the same time, either she was seeing someone or I was or when we both were we were not in the right mental state to start anything and were more reliant on each other for a shoulder to cry on, a good chat and advise giving.So we decided a few months back that the time was right to give it a go.The first month and a half was great we were in full "honeymoon state" as you do, but then that just ground to a halt abruptly, the sex stopped (explained away to me she had a low sex drive and that it would return) The texts started getting fewer and fewer, the special times less and less and the phone calls almost non existent. If we had lived in each others pocket every day then I would have been able to explain this but I live 40min away from her and only see her on the weekends, we spend 2 nights together. I see her in total 8 days a month (that's before she started pushing me away and now its even less)I confronted her about this the other day because a week ago she had asked me if I wanted to go away on a long weekend with her, her daughter and her dad. I was looking forward to going a until a day before she sent me a Facebook msg saying I hope I understood but she just wanted to go away with her dad and daughterI called her and confronted her, she told me she knew that she was pushing me away and felt really bad because she wasn't treating me the way that she should be treating me and that she felt I was giving 150% effort to the relationship and she only 20%.She said that she felt like I was like a puppy jumping at her every command and that if she suggested anything to do I would always say yes even if she could see in my eyes I didn't want to do it.She put forward some examples and I told her that even tho I may have not wanted to do them initially that I was glad that I did because ultimately I enjoyed what I did partly because I was doing them with her and partly because I would have normally turned down the offer and never experienced it. I told her I don't get to see much of her so the times that I do I want to spend them doing things with her and her daughter.Another thing that came out was that she said she was very interdependent and had been let down so much in past relationships (she has had a FEW btw) that she didn't think that she would or could ever rely on me for anything (emotionally, financially etc) and that I was putting so much emotion into the relationship that she feared that if she "died" the next day I would not be able to cope.For me relationships should be strong, you should be able to rely on the other person to be there for you (within reason)I don't see myself as over bearing or demanding or mean, I am not stalkerish and give her the time she needs if she asks for it. She has told me I am almost the perfect guy but I guess I cant be that perfect if she doesn't want to spend time with me.I have told her that she needs to think about what she wants and let me know.Should I put myself through all this and keep going in the hope that she will realize that she wants to be with me or should I pack it all in.I love this girl, she says she loves me. I know its been said 100x before but there is something with this one that I have never felt before and I want to make her my wife one day I care about her that much.Any advice would be appreciated*confused*
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male
reader, MattieNZ +, writes (22 April 2011):
MattieNZ is verified as being by the original poster of the question strontiumdog
Shes not away with her ex.. when I said Her dad I was meaning my GF's dad not her daughters dad :)
But you do make a valid point about her getting her own way & doing everything she wants to do.
She did say to me once that it was refreshing that this relationship differed from the others in the way that she got to choose what to do instead of being told.
Perhaps thats what I should try... in an attempt to save this. Tell her that its not over! We can work thru this.. be a little more dominant now & in the futue & see what happens.
Wadda yah think ?
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (22 April 2011):
I wouldn't tell you to drop this already. There could be chances for this to work yet. But right now she is trying to break this up. I mean, she knows she's pushing you away, she know she's putting 20% when you put 150%. What does it means?
You are almost perfect. Well, there is not perfection so you are the best she can get. Yet, she doesn't want you there.
I think she's not telling you everything.
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