A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am concerned about my Girlfriend,she seems quite unhappy with her life at the moment, and this refelcts a little on the expectations she has of me to make more money and manage my money better.the story is this: she comes home from work, moans about how her colleauges treat her, pick her up on spelling mistakes or how she hasnt done things the way they want them to be done. eg. her supervisor makes her go into another part of the office to support them but stop her jobs. she comes back to her own dept, and stays late to get her paperwork sorted out. the next week she comes in the supervisor is fuming because they now have to find something else for my gf to do. the last time the same thing happened my gf didnt do her work after she had finished in the other dept and the supervisor fumed because she hadnt done her work after.my gf feels bullied in her workplace, and she dosent have job security. she will only tell the first person outside work this and the next person that asks how her day was gets either "my day was ok" or "i dont want to tell it again" she dosent like to explain things more than once - which frustrates either me or her mum.we both care for my gf, for obvious reasons. but ym GF just shy's away fromt alking about "hot topics" such as her work or her fear of driving outside her town (another thing that bugs me).my gf and i have been having little discussions about her finding another job, same with her mother, we both get violent reactions and my gf just goes "stum" we ask her things like wether or not she has phoned the agencies, has she tried other towns - the other day she said "i e-mailed the agencies, none of them have gotten back to me" both me and her mother asked her why she couldnt phone them - we both thing phoning is more pushy and shows more eagerness to find another job my gf just says i cant be bothered to walk out of the office to find a quiet place to talka bout it. we also asked why she couldnt go find a job in london, she said that she dosent know her way around london to which i said that i dont beleive it's a good enough excuse, she has google maps on her phone, the tube stations are close to most major places in london, she just exploded at me and said "why dont you get a job up london then!" i just shurgged and left it at that, later i asked her why she exploded at me and she said she just dosent want to work in london, i sighed and asked her why couldnt she have just said it as well as stating she dosent know her way round, it's far easier. a similar issue came up with her mum, her mum found her loads of jobs at the airport close to her, she just says "ok mum" and puts the applications to one side...her mum keeps asking why and my gf wont give a straight answer. then yesterday my gf stressed out and snaooed at her mum saying that she dosent want to work at the airport and that they had this discussion before her current job. my gf thinks we are in the wrong for not seeing things her way, i do see it her way, looking for a job is stressful, she also has bullies at work, ad her manager is on the verge of sacking her, i know she is stressed, but she dosent seem to make the effort to look for a job. just sends a generic e-mail off to the various agencies every wednesday.what can we do to get her to communicate more and make more efforts to find a job before she gets sacked...she dosent see to realise that being sacked makes it a bit harder to find another job as it is. - another issue that bugs me is her lack fo confidence to drive. she will not drive to see me, she will not drive outside of her town, it is me that does all the driving. Im getting tired of this, she knows i am frustrated with having to do all the driving all the time, she bought her car in 2008 and has only done 5k miles in it, maybe a little less. - this isnt healthy for the car. iv bought my car in jan 2010 and i have done 23k miles in it since buying it. i have changed the brakes, tyres, oil, filters and other various bits and bobs because of the vast mileage i do and the relative age of the car. everytime i book the car into the gargage or say "i cant see you i need to change this and that on the car" she goes off on one at me saying that i shouldnt drive like a maniac etc. this makes the fact that i drive her ladyship around all the time less apreciated, and on the note of appreciation, she dosent help out with petrol "seeing her" is payment enough or "you are going that way anyway so i dont see why i have to pay" - yeah try telling that to a taxi dirver! - how can i convince her to do more driving to come see me, get more confidence on the roads etc without her clamming up or turning it around on me? she has royaly wound me up on this last issue - her ex. she likes to keep her ex around as a friend. i dont mind this as i can be adult about things, i let her go see him on her own to resteraunts or pubs etc, i trust her, she also knows where the boundaries are. her relationship with him as a friend is a love-hate relationship, she dosent even understand why she keeps him around - when asked if it's because she's not over him she says shes insulted that i even have to ask that and yes she is over him, he's no threat to me cause she dosent want to get back with him, so now she thinks i dont trust her :/ - frustrating! anyway this ex of hers is a knucklehead to be polite about him. he starts fights, threatens people, spreads rumors and generally causes agro. he has recently taken to threateneing my friends and myself. we have taken it to the poilice who as usual have just given us a case file and said nothing more. my gf also got into a massive fight with him and said she would stop talking to him for good this time (he's argues with her and upset her many times before and they stopped talking for a few weeks then start talking again). she got upset with me because i didn't beleive that she would stop talking to him. anyway i was right. she has also seen the threats to me and my friends from her ex but still has decided to talk to him again.iv told her i resent her decision to keep him around and i wont abide by his threats any longer, and generally told her its a bad idea, and unfair on me, i have presented her with an ultimatum saying that if he threatens me again im leaving her (he's also stated that he will make my life hell untill i leave my gf) she won't see to reason though its me leaving or she cuts him off from being friends and talking to him, he leaves me alone when they aren't talking. she thinks it's his responsability as an adult to make decisions on the way he behaves. she dosnet think he's her responsability - but she's the one that keeps him around, she wont let me say anything against him or defend myself saying "it will just make things worse and ignore him" again her mum is with me on this one.am i being unreasonable or "as bad as her ex" - as she put it, for giving that ultimatum?
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at work, bullied, confidence, her ex, money, shy, violent, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (25 June 2010):
If everything you say is true then she sounds like a nightmare.It sounds lle you have tried to address these issues but to no avail.Relationships whilst often hard are meant to be fun. I would ask her to work on these issues and if you see no progress in a month it may be best to walk away and find someone you're more compatible with.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 oooo She sounds like hard work. I am going to assume she is not suffering depression or any other illness, which would make her either a misery guts or a controller.If she just likes to be miserable because its easier than being happy, move on, if she likes keeping the boyfriend around, and remaining miserable because it keeps your, and her mother's, attention focussed on her, well decide if you can live like that and either tell her to clean up her ideas or move on.
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