A
male
age
36-40,
*roms
writes:my girlfriend of a year broke up with me a week and a half ago, she said I exhausted her emotionally. She said she didn't want to break up with me but I left her no choice. the break up took 4 hours, after the first hour we had broken up the last 3 were spent crying, cuddling, hugging, kissing and saying I love you to each other. She said things like everything happens for a reason, if you love it let if go if it returns it was meant to be, begged me not to leave the area and not to hate her. She said the longer you stay (in her house) the harder it would be to leave, then when I tried to leave she stoped me twice to hug and kiss me. She told me to let her know when I got home safely the night of the break up, so I did, said home safely, I love you so much, she said thanks for letting me know I love you, too. The next day I asked her if she want to know if my travels home were safe she said no, not yet, I said ok have a good weekend and next week, she said you too. Then on monday on my way home I texted her "hey, how are you" she said "im fine, but please don't text me for awhile" She is local to the area while i moved there after college because of an internship. When she broke up with me she said things like please don't move home, i need to know your here for more then just me. I want you close to me for the rest of my life no matter what happens between us. She told me that i shouldn't delete the pictures of us on my phone. Why would someone who just broke up with you say that kind of stuff, she told me some things that I did, and i have been working on improving myself since the break up, ive realized alot about our relationship and what I need to do to make it sucessful, now im just waiting till i get the chance to prove to her that I can make our relationship sucessful. on friday after 5 weeks of no contact I texted her "good luck with your half marathon tomorrow" and went to the gym at 5:29, at 6:30 I got back home to find a response at 5:31 that said "thanks but im not running it anymore, couldn't afford the entrance free".. I responded with "aww that sucks, you were training really hard".. I expected a reply, after 2 hours with no response I sent another one that read "Have a good weekend, would really like to catch up over coffie" and once again got no response.then last night I hit the end of my rope I was tired of being in limbo, where good or bad this is what went down."hi, i hope you are doing well, i really want to sit down and talk to you about some things do you have time tomorrow evening?she said hey, im sorry i already have plansthen i said "how about sometime this week then?"she said "i just don't think im ready yet"then i said "i want to ask you some questions and get some answer i really need to talk to you"she said "im at my friends house, im not doing this right nowi said "ok im sorry i didn't know you were....have a good night...im just really confused and want to talk...i miss you...hope you are doing well"was it a bad idea to be a little pushy? Would you go back to no contact. I even more confused now, I think if she new it was over for good she woulda met me and talked about things and explained that they were...or is that just me having wishful thinking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): quote: "I think if she new it was over for good she woulda met me and talked about things and explained that they were...or is that just me having wishful thinking?"
Probably wishful thinking, I'm afraid. 'Dumpees' don't always get the answers they want (hell, some of us get no explanation at all; just a 'Dear John' text!), and it sounds as though your ex said everything she wants/needs to for now. That may change later, but after only a week and a half it's still early days.
Take heart from the fact that she obviously cared for you enough to break up with dignity, but you definitely need to back off and stop all the texting though. Give her space and time to collect her thoughts. Unless she left you for another man, there may still be hope. But the more you keep hassling her, the less likely that will be.
Besides, it sounds like YOU need the space too.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Ok dude, you did come across as pushy there, she clearly cares about you but still needs a bit of space.
General rule of thumb- Don't msg twice in a row without a response. It'll allow her as much space as she wants, though having said that don't cling to the idea that you'll get back together. Try to move on... It's by far the healthiest thing to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): My friend,
Sometimes, the hard thing to do is also the right thing to do. Accept the fact that the relationship is over.
I'm going to say it once more: accept the fact that the relationship is over.
Your girl is not being very nice to you. She's not being clear, she leaves you hanging and I would say that qualifies as manipulative. It is not necessary that you accept this. See the relationship as a good thing of the past. Look back upon it mercifully, be thankful that you spent a nice year together. Learn to see your past relationship as a period with a beginning and an end.
Now for the future, when making plans, do not include this girl.
Make plans on your own, or with another girl (there's plenty wonderful women around the world!), but STOP yourself whenever you catch yourself thinking of a future together with this one girl. You shouldn't delude yourself.
Because your ex-girlfriend may be cruel, she is right about one thing.
After you let go, and spend some time with other people (e.g. other women, or old friends, or new friends), and maybe have a relationship or two, or a one-night stand or two, you might at some point meet again. At that point, because you have had the experience of living life on your own (or with another girl), you can make an honest judgement. And maybe you will decide that you like the free life better, or maybe you will meet someone so fantastic that you will not want to go back to your ex-girlfriend.
So summing up: your relationship is over. Make plans for your life on your own. You may be sad, but start moving on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Where do i start to me u have to move on its been weeks now and she made no efford and is leaving u hurt and on strings do u really want some1 who can do that to u look for some1 who will respect your patience at least she is wrong to do this i hope u work on ur faults and there is plenty of fish in the sea go catch some xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): i went through something like this befor with myboyfriend.... but ot was because i confused him and he needed time to think.... i just stopped contacting him all togher for about 3 months.... he tried to contact me but i just dident reply. finally on the 10 day of the 4th month he tracked me down at the movies and told me that he was stupied and he loved me and wanted me back. if you want my opion.... give it some time with no contact.... and if she truely loves you.... and wants to be with u... shell contact you. and if she dosent contact you then on the 5th month if u still love her contact her.
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