A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am a 18yr old guy. i have been having regular sex with my girlfreind for 6months. but the sex is not great most of the time due to her being a vergin and hurting really easily(i assume). she has not had an orgasm from me in general (including head,playing with clit)and she says it is because she is not comfortable with somone seeing her do it. she has been masterbating since b4 we started dating (like 6 months b4) and is still doing it and it feels like ive been cheated on every time she tells me. it honestly hurts me that much. and idk y . and its getting to the point where i want to break up with her cause i cant stand it anymore. i need drastic advice.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 My friend, I don't think anybody here took offence for your words, I am sure we all basically just wanted to recommend you not to let your personal hang ups interfere with
your couple's harmony. Apparently, all is well that ends well- and , as long as you can keep your ego out of lovemaking as much as possible, you'll see, it will get even better !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsincearest appoligies to everyone who took offence to this and thought i was being stupid about it. i was very confused. didnt know weather it was wat i was doing, if i didnt satisfy her or watever. but let it be clear. at NO point did i ever take it out on her... thanks for all the advice (however confrunting it was). i talked to her about it last nite. and she showed me how she does it and it worked great. ive never got her that close b4. hopefully soon ill be able to do it. i guess i was thinking that when she masterbated it was reducing the chance that had of making her "go". but she explained to me that when she does it to herself she thinks about me and that it actually makes her clit more sensative for like the next week or so. first time user of this site. ill try to choose my words more carefully next time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): I'm a girl and i masturbate all the time. I have a boyfriend too and we have regular sex. Its not because he doesn't satisfy me, but because i can satisfy myself in a different way. I like to masturbate because i can just lay there and have fantasy, about my boyfriend, about famous people what not. I don't think you have to worry she is just exploring herself. Don't be so hard on her.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Masturbating it's normal, healthy and pleasurable.
I masturbate in front of my boyfriend, sometimes I show him some moves that stimulate my pleasure.
Your gf is still in the phase when she's looking for the move/touch that stimulates her, so cooperate, don't put her down and don't make her feel guilty.
I think you have some misconceptions regarding a woman in front of a man. You should fix that.
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 October 2010):
They alway say you can't change other people, only change yourself...
Because you feel like crap after masturbating- then SHE too should feel like crap when she does ? All people should feel like crap ?...
I know I know, this is something you feel and you can't control it rationally. But feelings come from thoughts. I would start maybe by examining your own ideas about sexuality and where did they the came from.
Masturbation , particularly at your age, is healthy ,natural, and normal . Why do you feel it is so wrong ? Sexuophobic parents ?...Strict religious education ?...Social pressure ("real men are not wankers ")?
Start examining your thoughts and where they come from. Then you can choose if what you believed when you were, say, 6 or 12 still holds true for you today.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks. but just so u know i did feel like crap after i masterbated. and turns out ive done it less times than her, found it really hard. any other advice. wat do i do if it keeps bothering me?
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A
female
reader, curtiskd +, writes (20 October 2010):
i think that you should ask her if your not good enough because i thnk that when your with some one that they should be all you need and i think that it hurts you cause it feels like to you that you cant satisfy her which i could see why that hurts you but for her also it might be because you dont last long enough or something just dont get her off im not trying to hurt your dignity but i was with a man that did not satisfy me so i had to finish the job my self just cause you finish doesnt mean she always does. so hopefully you guys work it out cause sex is a big part of a relationship and both people should be satisfied
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. just so u know i have done it less time than her. and i can gaurentee i have a bigger sex drive. any advice on how to bring it up or just leave it?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 October 2010):
Excuse me but...am I wrong in assuming that at 18 YOU masturbate pretty regularly, gf or no gf ? No, right ? ( something like 97 percent of males masturbate ).
Do you feel like you are cheating on her and you are doing something terrible ?...Probably not.
So, let her masturbate in peace , in fact it's a very good thing that slowly she gets to know better her own body and what exactly works for her- once she knows precisely how to trigger an orgasmic response, she can show you the moves. Don't take offence but chances are that at 18 you still haven't acquired the necessary experience and developed a "golden touch "- plus what works for a woman , does not work for the next anyway. Let her perfect how to please herself, then she will teach you.
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