A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman that I think is fabulous. Mutual attraction right off the bat. before long we exchanged numbers, and for several days, she was all in my business, calling me every day, from early in the morning to noon, and then late at night. she wanted to know about me, but most of the conversation was abou tother things. i was very surprised and excited that most of what we talked about was the same. we had so much in common it was almost as if we finished each others sentences, and could read each others minds. now i did not want to come off as a jackass, so whenever she made innuendo, i would be elusive. sometimes i would play along and eventually when we talked about it more, i began to give what she gave. for example, we agreed we liked each others voices. and when i asked her what kind of ice cream she likes, she said chocolate vanilla swirl. shes chocolate and im vanilla, to which i replied mmmmm that sounds really good (obviously sexy) and she giggled. she also mentioned her butt and i made it very clear that i liked it, that i didn't want her to change it at all, she is insecure about it because of how hard it is to find clothes. she made it very clear that she didn't mind that i liked it.she also talked about what she was making for dinner, like sort of a round about way of asking me over, but since i had to take care of something else at the time i didn't say one way or the other, but i did tell her it sounded good. so she said she would finish cooking and call me back. never did, only to call me early the next day and repeat.anyway, the next day, we talked again, and then the next, and finally it was the last day of my time off, and i wanted to make plans to take her out, but i didn't say what i was up to, just hinted at it.well she said she would call me back and time was growing long, so i waited, then texted her.now the teasing we were so used to was not welcome, and she said she was confused. so for several days she did not call or text me at all.so i sent her a message, asking if she was ok, or if she was shutting me out. she said no sorry she had to think about some things.so more time went on.now i sent her a few emails trying to explain what my feelings were about the whole thing and never got a response.then i texted her again asking how she was and just wanted to send her some love.she replied but was kind of short, just a hello.then when i asked if she was scared, or not being truthful, or maybe bored with me, she said, no your still cool.since the text was light hearted, i fired back with, you think so huh? well your not on my bad side yet, lol.and now its back to silence again.so what could be going on? did she start to get more than friendly attraction to me and now doesn't know what to do with her feelings? is she really thinking about me and scared of taking it further? or does she just want to back off so it doesn't turn into another disappointment? is she trying to pace it so the relationship is more solid? is she having a fling with someone who she sees no future with so she doesn't ruin our chances by giving in too fast? im really confused, it went from really great, and even subtly sexy, to silence.i can see a real future with her based off of the original interaction, but since she is not as eager now, im questioning her motives.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): wow! someones advice was spot on. call her i did, and i have several times since then. it turns out she now has two jobs, and no life. we have talked about a lot of stuff in the last few days, but never really touching on relationship stuff. more or less just being sounding boards for each other as far as career and quality of life goes. it has been a real eye opener to me about her true temperament, which is a lot more stable than i had imagined.
when i talk to her though, its as if the whole world slows down for a second and its just us two. its relaxing, balancing. atypical of what i hear about gemini women, she seems to be going slow for a reason. i dont mind, the pace suits me just fine. however she did hint at inviting me to a family barbecue, and even asked me if i knew how to get to where they plan on having it.
i really appreciate her supportive attitude. i dont mind telling her about all my foibles and difficulties, because i have nothing to hide about them. and surprisingly, she understands. more than once when i explain things to her, she has an open mind about them and expresses her desire to explore new ideas with me, instead of dismissing them.
i think all my worrying was for nothing.
now she said she would call me if she woke up too early, and could not sleep, and i dont mind, but im not going to hold her to it since it may or may not happen. im just going to wait and find out.
i sure hope this is the right one, cause if it is, i think im done looking. time will tell, and i expect to put in a lot of time and effort before i begin to see any reward.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): ok, also, before i decide to lay down, i sent her a short text, wishing her a good night, and sending her my love, i told her i did not need a response, just wanted her to know i cared.
and she responded. she really thought it was sweet of me. and even said good night.
now i dont think this is going to make her come flooding back, probably not, but its a start.
i think i better not be too pushy, and im not going to rule out the possibility that maybe she was just being nice, but i liked the response.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): well, here's the thing, i found out she told her mother about me, and after that she really started to ramp up the conversation. so i guess her mother approved. that was 3 days before i told her i really did like her. once i told her that, she seemed excited about it, but then she second guessed herself and shut down. but i do know she can sometimes get depressed over her past experiences. she may have even attempted to distract herself by exploring other possibilities and found out she was wrong about them, and that further aggravated her loneliness. they may have even rejected her. so it may not have anything to do with me at all. she also has a pituitary condition, that prevents her from getting pregnant any more, and can give her extreme headaches that last a long time, so i would not be surprised to find out if that has her hemmed up at the moment either. i am still looking for a place to get her some natural remedies for that, because the pharmaceuticals are even worse. like i said im just going to play it cool and maybe its not as bad as it seems. but im not going to be miserable. if i go out on a friendly date with another girl, even if she finds out later, it wont really make a huge difference if its just a date. im a man and i do need some female interaction. besides women dont like it when a guy pines after them all the time, blows up their phone and begs them for attention. they start thinking you are gay or more of a woman than they are. no matter what you girls say is sweet, i know this is a turn off, that's why i have only checked in every once in a while instead of calling or texting several times a day. it would make me look like i was immature. this is a fine line im walking, but if i dont play it cool, im going to definitely make it worse by being pushy or what may be taken as pushy.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 to be honest i am not sure about the Gemini thing, i am not a true believer in astrology. why has she opted out of life at the moment? it sounds as though she might be depressed. if she is prone to a depressive personality, you are in for a difficult time if you DO get together with her. i am not sure that dating other women is such a good idea if this is the case. it is likely to make her feel more worthless if she thinks that you easily replaced her when she is having a bad time.
it is no good guessing what she is thinking though, it would be much better if you could discuss this with her. that would show her that you care
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): @ angeldelight
yes it does appear she is showing typical Gemini behavior. and im beginning to think you are right, because she is not only shutting down with me, but with most everyone. i dont know what happened, but right now i do know she is not shutting me out forever. she is just really taking a huge time out. so, since i know Geminis can just pop up out of the blue when you least expect it, and its like they never left, im willing to take a gamble on just leaving her alone after the last message i left her, so she can sort out her thoughts and emotions. if what she said is true about wanting a solid guy, she will be back in no time flat. if it was not true, then the truth will come out in the wash. but in the mean time i need to find other things to do so im going to go ahead and talk to friends, hang out with them, even date other women just to keep myself sane.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 July 2011):
she sounds a bit of a moody girl (maybe a typical gemini?) - i mean she is all over you one minute but then seems to be pushing you away - it looks to me as if she may have a bit of a downer on men (the way she has told you she doesn't like pervs and thats all she can get and she has insecurities about her figure - you mentioned she doesn't like her bum) i think that she is pushing you away coz she grew to like you and is scared of getting hurt. just a thought. talk to her
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): i also want to ad, she is a gemini. i understand her need to be free to come back, however, i would appreciate her letting me know when i ask what is going on so i dont sit in limbo.
she says she wants one guy, one serious guy because she is not getting any younger, but as soon as i show up, she runs away?
yes i agree we need to go out, and talk face to face. texting is not doing it. emails dont either, they are too easy to avoid. i left her a message and laid it all on the line. so that's all i can do. if she calls back, then fine. if not then fine too. im a great guy, i get plenty of attention, but i wanted it from her because of how we interacted and how the conversation was intelligent, not banal all the time.
if she doesn't get it from that last voicemail, then either there is another guy that beat me to the punch, or seduced her, or hurt her and used her, or she is a basketcase and im better off without her.
us being cool is not going to cut it when the stage was being set for something more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): well she is not married, or with anyone that i know of. i did not slight her on purpose, and i do think she is trying to keep her options open,or may have already reached out to other guys before i came along, but that does not bother me since she is not with me, and its new. what bothers me is the distant posture she has taken. she used to be really thorough about certain things, and now has shut down. not just with me, but in a lot of ways. maybe she is scared and doesnt want to admit it.she already says shes looking for that one guy, a real man, is tired of being alone, and doesnt appreciate perverts, since thats all that seem to approach her. now we did have some risque flirting, but it all stopped when she got distracted somehow. she is also a teacher, so she is out of work for 2 weeks and might be looking for other temporary employment instead of sitting around.now i wrote a series of texts but have not sent them. the jist is that in order for me to be fulfilled i have to do things differently this time around, i have to express my feelings about it all, and i want her to listen. that for anything to last we have to communicate, and open up. that in spite of my fears no matter what i have to let her know my needs. that i dont want just sex, but more, that im willing to build something. if she is then lets do this, if not then maybe its not the right time, or she is not ready for me. but i also want to know.im laying it all on the line if i send these.ultimately im going to do what i think is right, i like the suggestions, but at this point i have to get a clear answer.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 July 2011):
Hi there. Are you sure that she is single? Is it possible she is married - or separated, for instance?
She does seem a bit unsure, although I don't feel that she is just playing games.
Perhaps she thought she came on a bit too strong way too soon, by calling you or texting you all the time during your day. It probably was a little excessive, to say the least. It also was a bit controlling.
You have been doing a lot of texting and emailing etc., why not just go out and be settled?
Do you live in the same town, or is it a long distance relationship?
If you are in the same local area, it would be much better to get to know each other by actually going out, than by continuing to just text, email or call each other, don't you think?
You will both get to know each other much more quickly and thoroughly, by seeing each other in person.
So actually going out - rather than just hinting at it - would seem like the much better option, surely.
Otherwise, all you are both doing is just wasting time.
You both just hinting at this and hinting at that, but not taking any real steps to make it grow into a real life relationship.
You might just as well, be a couple of penfriends.
Affirmative action needs to be taken as soon as possible, if it ever has a hope of progressing any further in the near future.
The longer you leave it in asking her out for at least coffee, the more difficult it will become to actually take that step in future. Because a pattern is now being set, and the rut is getting deeper every day you delay it.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (12 July 2011):
can i ask how you met? in person or online dating site or something? maybe she has met someone else and is keeping her options a bit more open, she may have a personality disorder that has made her retreat from you and maybe everything else for a few days (she could be bipolar?) maybe when you failed to make a move to see her (the day she was cooking and you had something else you needed to do) and again when you were thinking of taking her out but you did not directly ask her. she got to thinking that you were not interested or she may think you have a GF already and are just looking for some flirty chat on the side. could be loads of reasons. she is the only one who knows why she feels cooler towards you now.
my advice would be to stop emailing and texting and actually CALL HER, see how the conversation feels, invite her out somewhere - have something planned, dinner or something fun for the day
x
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Hello, A difficult one. A sort of a rebound situation all in one week. Very keen then hardly anything. So, I think you need to wait a few days, she already knows you like her, and then see if she contacts. If not, send a small text and say, "I enjoyed talking the past few weeks, if you'd like to keep in touch then feel free." Then I'd leave it at that. Don't go down the road of second guessing, it is a minefield. See if she contacts first, if not send the text. I hope she contacts you!
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