A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I need some help here. I care about this girl that i've been (kinda?) talking to, but something really bad happened recently. I was with he one night, drinking, and another friend of hers came in to chill too. He sketched me out, but I said nothing to her, only her friend. Her friend didn't know him, and I had to leave, so I left. I had a feeling they were having sex, so I was really upset the next day. She calls me in the morning saying she had a bad night, so I said I'd go over there to talk and when I do, she's with some mutual friends and she's upset. "I was raped last night..."so I'm pissed cause we liked each other (I'm pretty sure) and now this happened. The next night tho, we came back to my place and talked all night basically... About everything. And she's definately comfortable with me, cause she was laying to my left with her head in my chest and leg over mine. The next day when she left with her friend (her friend is mine too, she came over after we talked), I'm almost positive she placed a small kiss on my neck when she hugged me... Didn't feel it but heard it I THINK. Anyway, a couple days later I asked her to dinner, which she declined because she wasn't ready for that she said.So, what do I do????? I really like this girl, but the situation ducked that up. Should I ask her to hang out next week/weekend? She's going home this weekend. But idk what to do... I'm upset we can't talk like I want to cause of what happened, but if I want to date this girl, what should I do? I don't want to end up in the friend zone or anything... Any advice would be great! Thanks!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
She must have counselling and time to come to terms with what has happened, so be a good friend at the moment and just be there for her. Don't make a move. Give her time and space. She will appreciate your support and if she's ultimately interested, will make sure you know.
A
female
reader, patient66  +, writes (30 September 2009):
I am sorry to hear what happened.
What I would do is, is that it does seem that she likes you. I would be a friend to her. Tell her how you feel about her and let her know your there for her. Be friends first that way she can trust you and hopefully move on from there.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): that's a really difficult situation. I agree she is going to need some counseling. I hope she has gone to the police and turned this guy in so he doesn't do this to anyone else. There is no set time frame for how long it's going to take her to be ready for dating and stuff like that but if you're truly interested in her you're going to have to give her time to heal and adjust. It can take weeks or months or sometimes years. This is huge and it's going to be really hard on her. Just remain close and be there for her give her some time and let her know you like her, then when she's ready she'll come to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): what a bad situation. You need to take things at her pace and give her the room to come to term with what has happened to her. Maybe suggest she seeks advice from a professional councillor. Tell her that you like her and say you appreciate she needs space but you are always there for her. I am sure she will appreciate the support.
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