A
male
age
30-35,
*non_09
writes:I just started talking to this girl that goes to my school. We've been out on our first date already and it went well (she likes me and I also like her). The only problem is that she recently got out of a serous relationship. She broke up with her ex (over around new years) because he cheated on her 3 times. She still has feelings for him but she also wants to move on, yet she reminds her self of what happened and cry's, gets depressed and doesn't want me to get near her when this is all going on (her ex keeps texting her all of this BS on how he wants her back and still loves her). Shes seek'd professorial help and she says that hasn't helped. She is also scared that she might not get over him and in the process hurt me. I try to support her but she still gets negative and gets all emotional. I know the best thing for her would have been to wait till she got over her ex before getting with me, mind the fact that i didn't know this had all happened when i first got with her or else i wouldn't of gone through with it (its not healthy for her). She wants to take things slow which is understandable for obvious reasons and I'm okay with that (we still have't had our first kiss and she feels uncomfortable with holding hands at school which she did't feel when we went out on our date. What should I do?
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male
reader, Learner.uk  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Hi,
Sounds abit like a rebound, personaly it is way to early for her to jump straight into another relationship, you should have a talk with her let her know that you do like her however she seems that she has mixed feelings and her head is all over the place, this does not mean you cant go out and date, just dont get your hopes up at this moment in time, let her gather her thoughts dont push her though just let her know where you stand, hopefully she will respect you more for this as it shows a mature thoughfull attitude and your doing it in her intrest. This will also help you gather your thoughts.
Hope this help's all the best.
A
female
reader, kalykush +, writes (12 January 2011):
 honestly... stop pursuing her... you can keep her as a friend but thats about all.
shes emotionally involved with this guy no matter how he has hurt her theres a connection there...
and if she broke up with him on NYE or around then... its only been 13days! are you crazy?
find a new love interest she isnt the one... atleast for the time being she isnt...
be there for her but, I stress again...only as a friend
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A
female
reader, babygirl1st +, writes (12 January 2011):
I've been in similar situations as your g/f. Please be extremely cautious & guarded with your heart. It sucks to see someone that your with or care for hurting, but it sounds like she clearly isn't ready for a new relationship. It's never good to start something new when your old wounds are still so fresh & not yet healed.
My advice is that all you can do is either be a friend to her & lend her your ear (not your heart) or let her go, which maybe best. It wont mean that you like her any less. Just that you both recognize that she's not ready for a new relationship & you don't wanna get hurt in the process.Don't sacrifice you & your happiness to let someone else keep you miserable b/c of their situation.
She either needs to change her # & avoid him if she's truly over him or just let you go & remain friends. If she's still talking to him & allowing him to stress her out, than she clearly still has feelings for him & could potentially get back with him.
I hope something I said was useful. I wish you both the best & pray that you don't need to seek therapy yourself when it's all said & done. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Hey pal!
This girl needs time to recover mentally from her last relationship. This is very normal. I feel she may have jumped into her relationship with you simply cause she knows she wants to get over him when in reality this will only subject her to further bad things as she hasnt analyzed and recovered from her previous relationship. In addition, because she hasnt absorbed the last relationship and what she learned from it, any issues from that relationship are risked being carried into the one youre in which isnt fair to either party. Bottom line: Break this off so she can recover but remain there as a friend if you wish. Draw that up carefully tho with friend boundaries. Once she's ready for another relationship, if she's mature, she'll let you know. Good luck.
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