A
male
age
30-35,
*onkey man
writes:I have had sex with my gf three times and fingered her millions of times but not once has she orgasim ,should i do it longer ?My gf said her playing with my penis turns her on, is this a good thing ?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (27 April 2012):
 Lots of girls can't reach orgasm from penetration alone, so try plenty of clitoral stimulation. Make sure she's fully in the mood and use lots of water based lube if you have too. Ask her to tell you her likes and dislikes in the bedroom and hopefully this will help.
A
male
reader, Monkey man +, writes (24 April 2012):
Monkey man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe didnt rush into things cos we have been together 8 months when i posted this and we both lost are v to each other about 2 months ago . i also dont force her into anything she doesnt want to do ,she was the 1 who suggest having sex and i was happy to have it with her. She also never been masterbated before accept for me so she has no clue how to reach a orgasim and nor had 1
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A
male
reader, Monkey man +, writes (24 April 2012):
Monkey man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe didnt rush into things cos we have been together 8 months when i posted this and we both lost are v to each other about 2 months ago . i also dont force her into anything she doesnt want to do ,she was the 1 who suggest having sex and i was happy to have it with her. She also never been masterbated before accept for me so she has no clue how to reach a orgasim and nor had 1
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (24 April 2012):
 In my opinion, "YouWish" provides excellent advice. For more about cunnilingus, search for my postings in the Web site archives.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 April 2012):
 I've got a couple of great ideas for you! But first, I have a question for you that you don't need to answer on here:
Does she masturbate herself to orgasm? Do you know the answer to that question? If you don't know, you've gotta know!
If the answer is yes, find out exactly how she does it because that's the starting point of where you learn what makes her feel good.
If the answer is no, she's either never done it or she has never given herself an orgasm before, then it'll take some time, and I mean quite a bit of it. The good news for you is that it'll be unbelievably FUN!
I'm going to assume that she's never had an orgasm, period, because even if she has, this will still be great. Just to reassure you, it's not your fault! Don't feel inadequate, because by just your coming on here and wanting to learn, you are showing the greatest sexual prowess: Your desire to learn.
(My apologies in advance to any moderators if I cross any lines in describing these possible techniques! Feel free to edit if I do, and I'll try to be respectful!)
Here are three ideas:
1. If you're fingering her, remember that the act of moving your finger in and out of the vaginal canal as if it's taking the place of a penis is not proper technique in itself UNLESS you're performing oral sex on the clitoris itself. Then gently massage the spongy part about an inch into her vagina in a "come here" motion, as in many women, that stimulates the G-spot.
2. Oral Sex! If you've ever *had* oral sex done to you, you know that it's out-of-this-world. It's the same for most women too!
3. Try, either with your finger(s) or your tongue, find her clitoris and gently write letters on it...in cursive and slowly. A...B....C....D...without taking your finger or your tongue off of her clitoris. "Write" in slow, smooth, satiny motions, as if you're enjoying the softness of the finest velvet in the world. Take your TIME! Don't keep asking "how is it for you" and ESPECIALLY "Are you there yet?"
How will you know if she's reached orgasm? The clitoris will harden up some, like a little pea, and then her vaginal muscles will spasm, first with frequency, and then slower and slower as the orgasm passes.
She has to be able to let go, and so make sure that you convey to her that you're not trying to get done with her so you can get yours. Take TIME with her. Remember that the nerve endings for her clitoris wrap around the front of the vaginal lips, and that there are few nerve endings actually INSIDE the vagina itself, so we're not digging for gold here!
Also, when you touch her, don't be rough! Let her determine how much pressure feels the best, but start out really gentle, as if her clitoris is a bubble that too much pressure will pop, or like a kitten's head who's just a week old and you want to pet. Slow and gentle, and she will respond.
One of the best books around is the Joy of Sex. Do NOT take cues from porn, as many of the oral sex techniques are either incomplete, or just plain incorrect, and the cacophony of wailing, moaning, and screaming is simulated and fake.
Again, I think you're awesome for asking a question like this on here! Your girlfriend is a lucky lady!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 April 2012):
Yes it is a good thing that she likes playing with your junk, but you should possibly spend more time playing with hers, and especially giving oral, if you wish and know how.
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A
male
reader, tottenhamhotspur  +, writes (23 April 2012):
I am currently seeing a girl whom I cannot have sex with, but we still find ways of pleasuring each other.
I can't speak for anyone else, but even though i had no problem getting her off the first few times, you are going to run into snags. I don't know about your lady, but mine complains that her vagina can be quite fickle.
Be patient and get to know her. Remember that sex and passion aren't about 'end' results- things will happen when they happen
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): Not all women have orgams, try playing with her clitoris.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): Hi, very few women actually orgasm from penetration. You could penetrate her for a month solid and not get her to reach orgasm, it is just how women are. Some women may "fake" an orgasm through penetration, but it is rare for a woman to actually reach orgasm this way. Usually women orgasm from rubbing of the clitoros, maybe try that. It is not that you are doing anything wrong, or that she is not enjoying having sex with you. Also the pressure of wanting to orgasm through penetration can cause her to be focusing so much on that, she doesn't relax enough to actually lose control to reach orgasm. As I said it is very rare for a woman to be able to reach orgasm through penetration at all, most women never do. Just relax and enjoy sex together, if it is going to happen it will.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Don't put yourself under so much stress if she says she loves to watch you play with your penis then do it for her and enjoy putting on a show for her...
As for her not having a orgasim all women are different can depend on her mood her thoughts alcohol drugs ect this will affect women in different ways if you spend the time getting her all horny and excited and tease her it will help build up her orgasim and see how that goes if she still dosnt let her tell you what she wants make it relaxed not stressful just enjoy each other
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