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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Has anyone here ever had the experience where a close friend (or partner or family member) tells them directly that they don't think their friendship is valuable?I've had a very a close friend of 8 years say she felt that our friendship was "no longer productive" during an argument. At the time, I was hurt, but I told her that I didn't think the same way and that I valued her friendship very highly. Then she said, "forget what I said." This happened over a year ago. After our arguement, things were sorted out on the surface between us and we were civil and friendly, but I stopped spending much time with her or confiding in her. Lately, she's contacted me a lot, she wants me to come visit her (she's moved abroad), and keeps dropping hints that we don't communicate much anymore. I've also moved away and in the process of meeting new people. I've noticed that at times, it's hard to feel like I have much to offer to anyone. I keep thinking of what she said though and I have trouble feeling enthusiastic about making new contacts or friendships. I often think of what she said to me.I know people say all sorts of things when they're angry, but I have a lot of trouble letting this go. She's an intelligent and honest person and I believe she meant what she said. Whose opinion do you trust if not your close friends?I've thought of visiting her as she suggested, but I dread having to spend two weeks with this person who feels so ambiguous about me. I would hate being in that position. Am I overly sensitive? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): It is hard when you go through this in friendships. If she doesn't have a pattern of saying things that upset you or treating you badly, then by all means, talk to her about how you feel about what she said, and if it feels right go visit and enjoy yourself. Good friends are few and far between.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I think you have analyzed and overanalyzed what she said to death.
If you are considering visiting her and it's nagging that bad at you, I would talk to her, tell her it still bothers you what she said, and see if she can explain what she meant.
Honestly, it would nag at me too, to a degree where I would have cut that person out of my life. But if she is valueable to YOU - you should consider talking to her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 I think you are looking in to this way to much. She was angry at you and she said what she said. At the time she was probably just feeling fed up and was asking herself was the friendship really worth it due to the argument. My guess is that you both let negative feelings build up and it came to blows. If she thought of you as not worth it she wouldn't have invested so much time in the friendship in the first place. Am sure she never meant it as a personal dig. She was just angry and upset at the time. You need to let this go and get over it and not let it affect your life. Am sure she would be deeply sorry and horrified to know that this comment is still effecting you.
Believe her when she says she wants you out to visit her, she is clearly missing your friendship and am sure you are as well. Go visit her for two weeks, enjoy yourself and show yourself that you can be a good friend. Don't let this one comment ruin all the good ones am sure she has had over the years. You need to take the good with the bad. Good luck.
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