A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a serious relationship with this girl for over a year now. We live together and split everything and love each other so. Out for drinks the other night we got on the subject of past sexual history. We didn't divulge our numbers but she said that she was a "slut" in her first year of college (we both attended the same school, and met our last year) and slept with too many guys. Now I wasn't a saint my first years in school either but I haven't slept with a large number of girls. Her statement really bothered me because she is just now telling me this. I'm having a hard time getting the image out of my head of her sleeping with all of these guys. I know she is faithful to me and this is all in the past but.. How do I get over this? Is this something that will always be in my head and I just have to get past it over and over again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): "3) The only women who get upset about this (the fact that you value sexual modesty) are the ones who do not value modesty but want to be treated as though they do. You are a man. And like any woman, you are entitled to think and feel what you want."
Wow, dead on!
A
male
reader, yesno +, writes (7 April 2011):
You will never forget it. But your feelings are legitimate. Women (and some men) will try to make you feel you are immature, unenlightened, or simply hypocritical. You're not. Your reaction is valid. Your emotions are your own. And the fact that what you feel is felt by a majority of men when confronted with this type of behavior in women, should give you comfort. Here is the issue in my opinion:1) Men put the women they love on a pedestal. The revelation that she is not, in fact, on a pedestal is jarring. The solution is to realize that very few women deserve to be on a pedestal. In this time (perhaps always), they are simply other guys with vaginae. When you realize this you will see women more clearly. 2) You value sexual modesty. Don't sell this ideal short. There are women out there who value sexual modesty too. 3) The only women who get upset about this are the ones who do not value modesty but want to be treated as though they do. You are a man. And like any woman, you are entitled to think and feel what you want.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (7 April 2011):
"Is this something that will always be in my head and I just have to get past it over and over again?"
Yes. Once you have the image in you head it will never leave you. But you will stop feeling sick about it, eventually. The real question is, are you going to handle this for ever? Chances are you are going to tell her about this sooner or later. And the sooner the better. She made a huge mistake by telling you she was that promiscuous. So she is part of this problem and she has to be aware of it.
@cupidus: of course you can criticize him but it would be better if you answer some of his questions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Cupidus, come off your high horse. Maybe you should try to learn about a problem when you don't understand it instead of just calling people condescending things when they seek help for it.Retroactive jealousy is extremely common. It is totally understandable when you are aware of the Darwinian reasons that exists and usually hurts males more than females. It's easy to tell people to shut up and just get over their emotions when you're not the one suffering from them.
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A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Yes it will. Unfortunately, the past is something which hunt us to the very end. You can ignore it now but one day you'll feel the full force of it, and i prefer not imagine the result.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 What is it with you guys with visions of other guys with your GF who at the time you didn't even know existed?
It's got to be all about ego. I see nothing else.
Or maybe and a big maybe, that she'll screw around on you.
Then there is the SLUT factor, that makes absolutely zero sense to me because guys seem to be sluts too.
What can I say, the past is the past.
This is the now.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Hello,Jealousy is a natural thing that we all have, and have troubles getting rid of. These things were in the past, no matter how close the past is, you cannot change what happened, and it most likely made her a better person because she learned from her mistakes. It does not matter what she did back in the day because shes with you now, and those guys that she did sleep with are probably losers that got her drunk anyways. YOU have a great connection with this girl, and you respect her, accept her wrongs and get over them - as hard as it may be, if you don't it will consume you.I will say a scripture, taken from the bible itself;13:1 If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don't have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. 13:2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but don't have love, I am nothing. 13:3 If I dole out all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but don't have love, it profits me nothing. 13:4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, 13:5 doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 13:6 doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 13:7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never fails.Love her for who she is, not for what she has done.I hope i helped you with your struggle :D
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