A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am married. My relationship with my husband is comfortable. Almost too comfortable. We only have sexual contact a couple times a year. We never fight about anything and have a very strong platonic relationship. People who don't know us think we are brother and sister when they meet us. I've been content with this for close to ten years now. I know things won't change with my husband. I've tried over the last 3 years to improve our intimacy level, but he says that I am "not a sexual creature." I know he's faithful and I feel like other things are taking priority in his life besides sex. But I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of a relationship. I recently met a new friend online. He lives across the world and we have never met in person. I've fallen hard for him and I know I shouldn't. We have a working relationship together, so he isn't someone I can avoid and get over these feelings. I know he's single, and that doesn't help. We talk constantly, several hours a day. I know to him it is just a working relationship, but I also know how much he enjoys my companionship. He's said several things to me that have made that very clear. Is it wrong to allow myself to fantasize over him, seeing I will never meet him in person? How do I get over this need to be in contact with him I seem to be developing? How do I get this same feeling of passion into my relationship with my husband? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Hmm. Your husband thinks you're "not a sexual creature" but you're having fantasies about someone else. Maybe I'm missing something, but it sounds like you're the "sexual creature" and your husband isn't? If that's right, then don't let your husband have that excuse. In you 20s, twice a year for sex, if you're commited to "until death do you part", is a recipe for becomming a nun.
An emotional fixation on this distant colleague is natural, it's understandable given what you've desribed about your marriage. But it's not healthy to put your emotional energy into a fantasy if you're in a committed relationship that's supposed to meet those needs.
So -- ask yourself if your husband could have a legitimate reason to see you as other than a sexual being. And ask yourself if he is avoiding sex because he doesn't want it or if there's something in your chemistry as a couple that isn't working.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (22 February 2011):
 You’ve tried to get your husband to desire you, he has already told you “You’re not a sexual creature” Now, it’s up to you to make up in your mind if you’re willing to settle for that type of non-sexual relationship, and weigh the outcome of you deciding to want more. By talking to this man across the world can and will start problems in your marriage. You’re cheating emotionally with this man, any time you spend hours talking to another man, that’s cheating. And you’re having sexual fantasies about him! I think you deserve to be loved completely! If your husband want a platonic relationship with you then he should set you free so that you can feel like a woman should feel, #WANTED! In all ways, not just companionship. Fantasies is better left as fantasies that’s why they’re called #FANTASIES! Fantasize. Just don’t act of them. It’s still trains, planes and automobiles. So, that man can come to you! It’s been known to happen. Ijs!
...............................
|
