A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago, a man moved into my apartment (we had been talking over the phone for a month before he moved to the state and there were already sparks). When he moved in, we were immediately intimate and close and for about 7-8 months we spent all of our time together and were getting to know each other. I began to sense that he was in love with me but it scared him to death, because he's had so many bad relationships and broken family issues that it's like he found every difference between us as an excuse to not pursue a serious relationship. About a year ago, we had a discussion that I was completely in love with him and wanted to marry him, but sensed that he was somehow distancing himself from me for reasons that I didn't understand. We decided it would be best to move out and find our own places and go our own ways. The moving out part happened, but for the last year we have "hung out as friends" and been intimate 2-3 days a week. In September, I shared with him that I was still and even more in love with him, but couldn't continue to be intimate if he didn't feel the same way. About 2 weeks later, he suddenly was "dating" again. I am not angry or mad, because we had never decided that we were anything but friends. However, I feel crushed and my heart is broken. I shared with him my thoughts of how I loved him and wanted to make a life with him, but if he couldn't give me that, then we had to not communicate until I had recovered (which may never happen). I could tell he was hurt, but at the same time agreed that I needed to distance myself. He's never been one to REALLY share how he feels and instead is very matter of fact. I know he loves me and cares about me, but why doesn't he want to be with me?? I'm really having a hard time understanding this... and my heart is so broken into a million pieces and I feel like I lost the love of my life and I don't know what to do to convince him that we can work if he let himself go. I am just a mess. Cried every day since I broke it off completely (7 days), feel anxious, lost, confused, and of course lonely. How do I go on? How do I convince myself that he really doesn't want me? Does anyone think he will try to contact me if I don't contact him at all? How long will it take if he is going to contact me? Should I just move on and forget about him? It's soo hard, one of the hardest things I have ever done. I've never felt this way about anyone. I would sacrifice just about anything to make him happy and help him pursue his dreams. Totally crushed...any advice??
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 He's gone, and that's a bad thing. But his returning to "hang out" two or three times a week would be even worse. He went from living with you to leaving you.
With all the pain and confusion it brings about, it's best if you don't talk to him, don't "run into him", et cetera. Make a clean break, and give yourself time. Things will improve for the better.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I think he does love you. But unfortunately what ever he has in his mind the concept of emotional love does not register for him. I think he has not grown up properly and is being, for lack of a better statement, a pussy boy, scared shitless of committing to somebody.
The best thing you can do is think of somethings that you would have liked to have had been with him, like if you were together what type of house and where would you live? Then try to move into a house like that. You will find as you try to reach that goal, your own interests will change and you will likley meet a new love interest.
Or you could go on a holiday around the world, go to Europe and France, Italy Span. Even Australia. Such beautiful places, it will make you feel so glad to be alive. You will find your place, and learn more about who you are and you never know but maybe you'll meet someone new.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 He falls into the category of the walking wounded. There is something about you that reminds him of one of his exes. The reason could be as simple as because you are woman, and think like a woman. There are painful feelings he hasn't finished processing. Men close the door on love because they feel if their hearts were to be broken again, they would just die. However, they recover, and might say something totally different one year later. Like my boyfriend who turned from a casual lover to a potential husband in two years. Before he said he would never want a baby and a month ago he told my mom he wanted to start a family. He doesn't want to be a burden in your life. He doesn't want to waste your time finding a better match, like right now. You can tell him you are still in love with him and has no interests in dating others, and that your love for him makes it easy to be patient. Tell him you have faith that he will be happy next year. Tell him you are not in his life to tie him up, take from him. Tell him you believe that relationships are for mutual benefits. Tell him it's nice to have someone to be intimate with at the end of the day. That's all you can do, the rest is up to him.
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