A
male
age
51-59,
*d45
writes:Recently I asked out a co-worker. We had for several months talked and I always made her laugh. A beautiful woman. I'm 45 and she is 44 and divorced.She mentioned she rarely let people into her life in a serious way. She gives me the feeling something has happened that makes her push people away.But during this time I have developed feelings for her. I do love her.A couple weeks after I asked her out we met for dinner. Went well. She mentioned it took alot for her to show and that a second date would would be slim. She said she likes me, be patient and this is where she mentioned about not letting many people into her life.I've sent her texts and talked at work. She was uneasy but seemed to want to talk. I tried giving her some space and not be overbearing. But would then ask if something was wrong when I didn't talk much. So I did.A week after the date I called her at home. Appearantly her "friend" arrived at her house the same time I called. I asked her to meet me next week. She was upset. The next day she was very uneasy and avoided me. Said I almost screwed up. It's now 4 days later, still uneasy but she still approaches me when I don't talk enough. I feel I'm getting so many mixed signals.What am I missing? Her friend is abviously more than just a friend.I told her I didn't want to play games. I was looking for a serious relationship.Did I move too fast?Should I pry and try to make her talk?This could push her away.I don't want to hurt her, esp. if she has had bad experiences in the past. I care.I really need some advice. Please help.ed65
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Ed If only i could advise you and see what all this means. In our 40's life is even more difficult and who only knows what the signals and signs are!
Your perhaps are a little to earnest and urgent today. Back off until Friday then speak about the weekend. I think what gives us more heartache is an expectation that in the 40's we might expect potential dates to know what they want and where they are going?
I am guessing that you are hurting a bit here and this is why you want resolutions. Wait till Friday and then just go for the jugular - ask her direct what she wants and tell what you want - if they are completely opposed thats it or see if there is common ground to move forward
Expect nothing then you will suffer less dissapointment?
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 It is better to let her know what you are looking for in a relationship now then to go on groping in the dark and finding out somewhere down the road that she has no interest at all.
If her response is unfavourable , you should give her space and revert your relationship back to 'just friends' only.
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