A
female
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mcbirdie
writes:I was talking in email with a friend about what age I lost my virginity and that moved on to a discussion about what age most women do and why and how they feel about it. I'm not looking for stories here, by the way, I do have a point I'm getting to. Promise.I remembered a magazine article I saw when I was about 19. I was at university and enjoying my time there, as you do, when I saw a magazine on the rack that had a title that said, and I can quote this: "Wait 10 Dates Before Having Sex??!!??" It actually had ALL that punctuation. I was just...flummoxed. The idea that someone would be shocked that a woman could decide to wait to have sex any amount of time, or that there was some rule out there (this was before the three date rule got so popular) that I had to subscribe to, or get flagrant punctuation tossed in my face...just threw me. I bought the magazine and read that article with my face screwed so tightly into an expression of disgust that I'm surprised that it didn't freeze that way, as my grandmother always warned me it would.Here are my conflicting thoughts: First, I love sex. I love sex the way kids love candy. I am glad that I live in a time when I can safely have pretty much all the sex I wanted, if nothing else hindered my decision to have sex.Second, no one has any right whatsoever to tell me when I can or cannot have sex. I do not want anyone, not a boyfriend, not a date, not a stupid woman's magazine telling me what is and isn't normal in MY sex life. If I want to wait thirty dates, and I have a man willing to do that, then I will.But this brings me to the second part of this post--the man who is willing to wait for sex. I've had this discussion with my brother many times...that at some point when we weren't looking, women seem to have gotten so much freedom that we lost choices. There was a time when only a certain kind of man would dare to say that a woman needed to put out by a certain time or get kicked to the curb. Now the man who doesn't is the rare one. And certainly, if I want a man to wait so long for sex, the impetus is now on me to prove that I'm "worth it".Women got the freedom to have sex, but we're getting to the point where we don't have the freedom to not have sex.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (19 May 2007):
 There isn't so much of an issue with when someone has sex as much as the issue of generalization, painting everyone with the same brush.
You like sex. That's good. It wasn't always what people wanted to hear a woman say. Although the times have changed, in general, men still pursue females. It's natures way of keeping things in order. If women were as eager to have sex, generally speaking, as men, everybody in the world would be running around with their pants at their knees. It's natures way of acting like a gatekeeper. Of course, their are exceptions to the rule and you may be one. I stand by my statement though. Men are usually the ones chasing women.
It is also, usually the woman who dictates when sex will happen. That is a power you have over us that we can almost never have in our hands. If men had this power, it would be misused over and over again. You see, there in lies the difference. Women have the power and usually choose to use it sparingly. Men would be in bed every night with a different woman if they had the ability. A woman knows three days in advance if her date on Saturday has a chance of getting to her bedroom. A man wonders, until he's between the sheets, if he's getting lucky that particular night.
We're not as far removed from animals as we'd like to think. We merely have the ability to reason and use common sense. None of this is good or bad. It's just the way we're wired. There are people on the fringes of both groups. In general though society accepts this to be true.
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