A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, im gay, straight acting, outed to everyone, and have had serious relationships with guys. but for the last few months ive had strong feelings for a straight friend who lives a few doors down in uni halls, ive tried to get over him because i know its a stupid fantasy, but i keep having (non sexual) dreams about him which puts me back on the wagon, and his gay banter hardly helps me either. In addition to this i keep getting hints of curiosity from him, but everyone else says im just seeing what i want, i feel like everything i do now is annoying him and get paranoid ive upset him. Worst yet, he fancies my best friend, who may even fancy him back, but obviously she wont go there because she knows of my feelings, and if he somehow knows, or already does know of my feelings for him, he might see it as my fault that him and my friend arent together. Im sort of lost for what to do, i know he isnt gay, and even if he were to be slightly curious, nothing serious could ever come from it, and if im forcing them from being together i just feel worse, but i cant even help but feel jealous when they flirt. so i need advice, and maybe also, advice of how to carry out the first advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): (im the questioner) I have spoken to my best friend, but there has been a recently development. we all went out to the gay bar, where after quite a few drinks, he kissed another guy.. for quite a while, obviously drunk myself i started crying and had to be taken away by my best friend (the girl). Apparantly the guy remembers nothing of the night whatsoever and after telling him what happened (emitting the fact i was so upset), he just said he was maybe a bit curious but that is all, he also mentioned if he was gay he would go for me, so i think its pretty clear he knows about me now. however my friend still wont listen to me when i tell her to go for it, after the fiasco she knows i would get upset regardless of the fact i want her to be happy anyway, ive tried the advice so far to get over him, but its not going great, same dreams. Maybe i should just pretend i dont like him anymore for the sake of them being happy.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (18 May 2010):
 let them get together and get over him, he doesn't sound like he's interested in you due to the lack of any evidence of attraction that you have shown. how long have you been in halls of residence? at most you have had a crush on him for under a year, which is not a long time in the bigger scheme of things. while you keep fantasising about this guy (who isn't gay) your wasting time you could be making an effort to meet genuine gay men with whom a relationship acctually could happen. your doing away with your own real opportunities...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 May 2010):
Realistically, you have to let him go to her. He's not yours, and if he's not gay you don't even stand a small chance. I'm sure that hurts, but to keep two people apart when they could be happy is a little selfish. You have to let him go. At some point he will anyway, and it will only hurt even more.
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