A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like life is going nowhere at the moment and I really need some reassurance.I'm a 19 year old gay male, and not out to anyone except my sister - well sort of (she found a picture of a nude model in my room) Anyway, this is about two things - coming out and getting rid of my feeling of loneliness. I'm going to university next year and really want to be out by then. God knows how I'm going to do it! My mother is one of these people who seems set on the marriage and babies thing, and it could kill her if I told her, but I do sometimes wonder whether she mentiones wife and kids to test me as though trying to arrive at the conclusion of my possible gayness herself - after all there is no telling if someone is and it must seem a bit wierd to my family that i have never had female friends or talk about girls, or never stare at them when they walk past...this sort of moves me on to my second issue - I feel really lonely. I really would love a relationship but a big problem is being an anxious person. every time i see someone I know, in town for example, whether i fancy them or not, i panic and stutter. I don't know why or what to do about it. It is really bad around people I 'really like'. At college there was one boy who I thought was beautiful. But every time I saw him I would panic, like an adrenaline rush or something. It makes me look really miserable on the outside because it effects me physically - red in the face, stooped posture, and a sort of shocked or even angry expression on my face. But GOD he was beautiful! I think I've had about 3 dreams about him since i left college in june last year. I sort of suspected he was gay so always wanted to talk to him, but when you're shy and people have a preconception of me as a boring miserable person it is really hard to become more sociable, and REALLY hard when you're gay and not out! I have searched someone's facebook account a few times (can they know if i've done this?) because they are friends with him and I hoped that I could get a name or something.Last ngiht I dreamed that we met and got on really well, I went to his house... but the dream is fading now like dreams do. So: How do I become more confident socially - shall I start when I go to uni? How do I forget about this boy OR find him? how do I find someone when I go to university?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): thanks for the reply. Finding local support group seems a good idea. will give it a go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): dont put presure on yourself about comeing out why do you have to come out before uni Its going to be hard enough going to a new place and starting a new life. I understand that i will be one less thing to think about But from your mums view your leaveing home and shes going to be worried about that so if your going to come out Do it way before you go uni The other thing there loads of gay groups on fb and you can get support from local groups if you go on the net theres bound to be some and also when you do go to uni your get lots of support there to Coming out in general isnt easy but only do it because you woint to and when your ready now adays its a lot easer to be gay and most perents except there son daughter being gay but when its out you will feel like a new man. do do with you talking to this guy or other people i do find it hard my self to to to guys i use face book to do that i find it easer to talk to people on there best of luck mate x
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