A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My partner and I have been together for 11 yrs (we're both in our mid-40's). We had a somewhat open relationship from the very beginning (i.e, group sex or occassionally hooking up individually with other guys)...a few years ago I made known my intention to discontinue my participation in such activities because of the way it making me feel (empty, lonely, etc.)Problem is....my partner has gotten increasingly involved in these drug fueled sex parties that can and have lasted for over 24 hours. I have little interest in attempting to rekindle any physical relationship with him since he is unable to do so without drugs involved but what concerns me is how do I get him to wake up and realize what is happening.....he thinks i just want to deny him the chance to "have fun".
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female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 You 2 have been together along time, and it's hard when you have lived your life a certain way and something that gives you pleasure, has to come to an end. I think that you came to a point where all the sex partying just wasn't fun any more, so you decided you didn't want to do it. You say you have always had an open relationship so really it is slighty unfair to expect your partner to stop something that you have always done together just because you don't like it anymore.
Maybe try to talk to him and say that you want a more "stable" relationship and maybe you could turn a blind eye once in a while? limit the time he spends going to parties and to spend some fun qualitiy time together, if he doesn't want to and you are now really opposed to it then I think you may need to think about your relationship and where you go from here.
Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): If he thinks you are trying to take away his 'fun' then he obviously, not going to change his attitudes anytime soon, dear. And I have to say, you are smart to protect yourself and refrain from sex with this man. Drugs, sex with multiple partners...what a huge health risk not just to himself, but what about you? Dear, you can't make him realize that what he is doing is harmful. There is no way you can change a person or tell them that what they are doing is detrimental to them. Some people listen to their loved ones...other's don't. He obviously isn't listening. This is his choice to stay involved in this lifestyle it appears, you have decided this isn't for you, due to the emotional drawbacks. I think you are smart to have done this. But because he's not on the same page as you, and now, you both have differing relationship value systems. You can talk your head off, nag, cajole and really try your best. But he's not going to change, until he sees the 'light' himself. In the meantime, you have to decide if this is the way you want to continue living and exisiting. If not, you may have to rethink this relationships and make a decision that is best for you. Can I be honest, because you have these feelings...you may be better to leave this guy, and the swinger lifestyle, behind you for good. Staying and watching him live this way, will just drag you down, further and further. Don't do that to yourself, hun...keep your self worth and dignity intact. That is worth so much more, in one's life. Make a decision that best for you healthwise and look after your emotional well-being as well. Take Care, hun.
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