A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all.I'm married for 20 months now.It was a love marriage, a run-away marriage actually.My husband was the nicest man ever. So polite so caring so adorable. After I ran away from my home and few months passed he changed. He has become rude, verbal abuse is just a common thing now. He has even slapped me 3 times. I forgave him every time coz I didn't want to go back to my parents and hurt them again coz they care about me so much they will break on seeing what is happening with me.He says things which I can never forget. Marrying me is a waste. I'm a disaster, immature and every bad thing you can imagine. I feel I've reached the pint where I can't take it anymore. I feel empty just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Look your parents may have fallen out with you, but they will always be worried about you. Do what is right and go home. They will welcome you back, they will be sad he has treated you like this, but they will be so happy to have you home. If you are scared then contact a local woman's center and ask for help. Please go back to your parents before this man beats you harder and kills all your confidence. Please.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): Dear OP
I feel bad for you. Can't help but also feel a little agitated. A man who is polite, caring or adorable will not make his girl runaway from her family. If they never agreed to your 'love', being a decent guy, he should have approached them or broken up with you, at least waited out until they agree for a marriage.
I've seen a number of people who ran away in India and trust me, they HAD to run away from parents because their parents KNEW they were making a bad choice of partner. 99% of the times it is true, and no one can guarantee you that 1%! You girls think your parents are trying to break your 'true love'. Truth is too far from that. If they liked and thought highly of this guy, they would have eventually agreed for your union. Since they put their foot down, I'm sure they did so because they found out that the guy is up to no good.
Even the 1% who run away with a good person end up being unhappy and discontented in life until they are accepted by their family. Please go back to your parents. I am pretty sure they will be relieved to have you back. They might be really worried right now. do you really think they are at peace right now? Thinking that you are happy with this man? They know you aren't happy with him and are already hurt. They are wishing that they can see you again. You going back will only make them feel better. although they may scold you or put you on a guilt trip in the beginning, I'm sure they will eventually show their love and empathize with your situation.
Tell them that you were trapped into this relationship, that he was dishonest with you and took advantage of your emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): I am so sorry for the painful and unexpected results. Your husband is abusive, and it saddens me more to think you've given up everything to be with him. What saddens me even more is how in some areas of your culture, his abusive behavior is acceptable and you are not protected. It can be simply dismissed as what a husband does. It infuriates me.
Repair your differences with your parents. Their love is unconditional. You must seek their forgiveness; and it is certain forgiveness will be immediate. They would never want to see you harmed or unhappy. You must return home, if they will have you. Put your pride aside, you need them.
You were advised to seek a divorce. Depending on where you are in India and your social/economic status; that may not be an easy and immediate option, but do obtain legal advice immediately. It is unlikely you will want to remain with a violent and abusive husband. You'll be safer away from him.
The police would be forced to intervene on our behalf if he causes trouble or threatens you around witnesses. Think tactfully around them. They will be partial to him; but incidents occurring around your parents will give you more traction in getting their protection. Not to mention your father's protection of his daughter.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 January 2017):
You know it was wrong to run away... And this is the lesson to learn. Make sure you know what you are running to BEFORE you run. Words are just words...his action speak for themselves.
A respectable man would never ask his woman ran away from her family. He would go to her family, and ask for her to be his wife, and show them how serious he is.
Go back home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): Go back home to your parents! A husband who raises his hand is no husband at all. Get out before it gets worse. Your parents will be infinitely happier knowing you're safe with them. I know you aren't in the frame of mind to think about any other romantic relationship but next time just lend an ear to WHY your parents thought him unsuitable due to which you had to elope.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): Hi OP, I am an Indian too and the same thing happened with my sister. She was suffering and didn't tell us as we were already hurt as we already knew he wasn't a nice guy n told her not to get married to him. But as u know love is blind and things changed for her after she got married to him. She confided in me n I supporter her and told my parents about it. My parents were hurt again but they still stood by mu sister. They didn't disown her cuz she went against them. She's now divorced, staying with my parents but happy. Mistakes happen, but that doesn't mean life is over for you. Be strong and take firm decision. Think if u can be in this marriage n be happy for the next 50 years n if the answer is no, please end it. I know the indian mentality where people will talk a lot but that's a temporary phase. Your husband is taking advantage of your helpless situation n the people who do so are not nice people. All the best n stay strong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2017):
 I'm sorry OP,
He might have been loving WHILE getting you to agree to run away but once he "had" you as a wife you are no more than property to him and he treats you as such.
You really didn't KNOW him when you ran off to marry him. You knew the guy he was "showcasing" to you. The nice, polite caring guy. After only a few months, reality set in (for him first) and he now regrets marrying you and that is why he treats you like dirt.
Do you really want to spend the REST of your life with someone who slaps you and treat you like dirt? Wouldn't you rather admit it's not working and not a good marriage and GET OUT before kids arrive?
And don't you think your parents would be even MORE hurt in knowing how you are being treated?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 January 2017):
 I'm so sorry it didn't work out and you don't deserve this abuse, so you need to divorce him. My advice below may seem a bit harsh, but it's important that you follow it:
You do know what to do, but you refuse to swallow your pride and go back to your parents, telling them you made the immature mistake of running away and now realise he's abusive.
Your parents love you and he doesn't, which means they are the safest place for you to be while getting a divorce. Talk to them and ask to come back home. Never run away again because it's dangerous and irresponsible.
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