A
female
age
30-35,
*elam
writes:Hello everyone,My husband and i work in the same company different departments .So i just came from ethiopia to USA and i am experiencing cultural shocks! so the other day there is a fire alarm at work and all co-workers had to stay outside in a cold. My husband was wearing a sweater and he wants to give me his sweater but it is a tiny summer sweater and i didn't want him to get cold so i said it is OK. After a few minutes we both went to our department groups still outside and my co-worker offered his jacket. i said no no i cant accept that. But he insisted and i got a lot of push infront of my other co-workers so i accpet the jacket considering he is an old man , he is probably be my grandpa and he was wearing sweater and another cloth inside his jacket. Then my husband notices that and he couldn't talk to me for days , he called me the "F " Word and he is still upset about it. And where i come from it is OK for a man especially an old man to offer his jacket in a cold weather, and my co-worker knows my husband and he is a nice gentleman as far as i know and it never cross my mind that offering his jacket will be an issue. Any advice on how this is interpreted in USA?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Honestly you are married do you not have a say in where your money goes? Maybe you could give us a little bit off background, how long have you been with your husband? What culture are you both? Do you both share bills and living expenses?
A
female
reader, Selam +, writes (6 March 2017):
Selam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot guys, i agree with what you said , he overreacted! but i also take responsibility for not considering and thinking through how my actions might make him feel. So i apologized sincerly and we are in good terms now. Of course , will never again accept a jacket. It is a lesson ,it cost me almost a week of quality time. I appreciate your advice.it is very helpfull. So after that incident with the jacket my husband was upset and he wrote to his mom how much many she wants for her project , she didnt even ask him money, he just initiated that trying to make a point and he now promised to give $350 dollars for 6 month($2100). And he told me that is already a done deal and he did that because he feels like i am not giving him a chance to be a husband and he at least wants to feel like he is a good son.. So now because of me accepting that jacket we have to send $2100 for his mom. And i didnt want to start a fight since i just apologized ..but i am so upset and i dont know what to do ?? What should i do ??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2017):
 *snorts loudly at Chigirl's answer*
Interpret it as your husband being a jerk.
YES!! your husband is being an ass.
I get that his PRIDE got bruised that you declined HIS offer and took a jacket from another man - but seriously? Silent treatment over that? That is RIDICULOUS and CHILDISH.
What you did was not a HUGE faux pas. And while I get that your husband wanted to be the ONE to take care of his wife he is not behaving rationally at all.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 March 2017):
 Sounds like he was offended that you refused his offer but accepted someone else's. refusing to speak to you for days is childish and him swearing at you is a big no no. You shouldn't have to be spoken to like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017): I can see where he's coming from. Not talking to you for a few days is silly though.
He feels like you emasculated him. You let another man take care of you. You let another man do his job as your protector. I know you meant no harm, you were cold and you didn't want him to be cold. I get it. It's silly but men have fragile egos and we have to be sensitive to this sometimes.
Apologies kiss and make up.
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A
female
reader, iu  +, writes (3 March 2017):
Firstly, I am not from USA so I won't comment on that part where you asked how it would be interpreted there, but as far as I know in any relationship trust, understanding and communication are major factors and here it is not a very big deal if you would see. what you can do is take some time out for your husband and make him feel special and than try to figure out what exactly was he thinking and try to make him understand your part too.
All the Best
T.C
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): SOME American men offer a woman a compliment/their jacket/some kind gesture and they are trying to get women to let her guard down so that she can mistakenly trust him. SOME men KNOW a woman has a husband and wants to show that they are a better catch. In this case, the man probably was just being a gentleman. Your husband may have thought it made him look bad that you wore another man's jacket. Maybe he was afraid others would assume he (your husband) couldn't "provide" for you. We both know that's silly! You were worried your husband was cold. You separated into your departments because everyone did. You took his jacket because the man insisted. I really think this man was acting grandfather-ly. Ask him, "what would I have done to not offend you? Do you have reason to feel 'David' was anything other than polite?"
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 Interpret it as your husband being a jerk.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 March 2017):
 He's being irrational. It was very kind of the man and he wasn't going to get cold, plus peer pressure - you did nothing wrong. It is culturally acceptable to borrow someone's jacket when it's offered to you. Your husband should never swear at you or call you names!
Let your husband sulk. It's petty and childish.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 March 2017):
 All you can do is explain apologise and wait for him to come round. He has had his male pride pricked. Now he is following up with a sulk. Just be amused and watch the show.
Next time, if there is a next time, you will act differently perhaps.
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