A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a fun, bubbly, warm, funny, kind/caring, and positive young woman. I know it sounds silly to say, but I made a Tinder earlier in the year thinking that people used it to find relationships and stupidly, I found out most used it for hookups. Thinking it was a app for dating, I went on a date with a guy. He had many great qualities, we had fun spending time together and I went home confident that would hear from him again. We went out on a 2nd and 3rd date, and on the 3rd date we had sex. Now, I of course regret sleeping with him a little too soon and know I could have waited a bit more. Long story short, he doesn't want to pursue me/be with me. Do you think a man automatically assumes a woman is not girlfriend-material just because he meets her on Tinder? Does he assume that she is a "slut" or see her badly for it? Do you think that the stigma he may have put on me prevented him from really getting to know me and appreciate my qualities?I can't help but to blame myself for not having known better and feel I messed it up with a great guy. He probably thinks I'm a bimbo, even though I showed valuable qualities about me regardless. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Honestly, I think their are A LOT of men on dating sites who just want sex. That is why it is important to hold out before having sex, you will soon see who the serious ones are. Don't feel bad about what happened, just put it down to a learning curve and move on. It was his loss.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, guys!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2017):
 Why cares how he chooses to "see" you? IT doesn't mean he is right. After all, HE slept with you as QUICKLY as you slept with him. It makes him NO "better" just because he is a guy.
Now you MAY meet a LOT more guys who are JUST looking for sex on Tindr than you would many other dating apps. Though realistically? You will find who are NOT looking for a serious relationship EVERYWHERE. And it's not like they have a "looking for casual sex" tattooed on their forehead.
IF he wasn't looking for a GF it wouldn't have mattered HOW long you would have waited (though if it was LONGER he probably would have dumped you and moved on to a girl who would have sex sooner).
OP, honey. SOME people will say whatever they think they HAVE to in order to make the other think they are on the same page.
He MIGHT have thought that since you are on Tindr you were looking for casual as well. Not because you are a slut or a bimbo but because there are plenty of women who wants casual too.
Instead of CARING what this ONE guy may or may not think of you - learn from it. BE upfront about the fact that you are looking for a relationship, not a roll in the hay. TAKE your time getting to KNOW a guy before sex and MAYBE even wait with the sex till you two are an exclusive couple. IT's OK to take your time getting to know someone.
There is NOTHING wrong with you and your qualities, OP - if a guy is ONLY looking for sex all HE cares about is:" HOW soon can I get some?"
So KNOW your own standards and STICK to them.
STOP beating yourself up over ONE guy. Now you know what NOT to do next time. It's OK.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 *You meet *men* on serious dating apps/sites who also just want sex.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 March 2017):
Lets see, I know at least three couples in long-term committed relationships who met on Tinder. So no, I think you just had bad luck with this particular guy. You meet met on serious dating apps/sites who also just want sex. Or who you don't have the right chemistry with. Tinder or not, doesn't matter.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 I suspect it is far more likely that he was just after sex and, once he had had what he wanted, he lost interest and moved on to the next woman.
You have hopefully learned a valuable lesson from this experience: don't sleep with someone until you are certain there is mileage in the relationship.
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