A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and married fo 2 years. Recently (the last 8 months or so)my gusband and I started swinging with his step bother and wife.We have also has a group ogy involving 5 other men (all unprotected). I just found out Im pregnant and I hvae no idea who te father is. I told the other women and she said that I should just keep my mouth shut and say it is my husbands, but Im unsure.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): First of all, I want to say that I don't think you should have an abortion just because paternity is looking complicated. There's plenty of perfectly good reasons to have an abortion, but I don't think that's one of them. There seems to be a lot of "conceived under unusual circumstances = catastrophe" going on in some of the other replies I've read.
You need to think about STI's. A gangbang with no protection is a fairly reliable way of picking one up. If you haven't already, go and get tested. For everything. Most STIs can be passed on to babies, so it's important to be tested so that you can deal with any risks to the kid.
You can have a non-invasive paternity test from 13 weeks. Taking all five guys for such a test might be a bit excessive (and expensive), but finding out whether or not the baby is your husbands is probably a good place to start. If it is his, all well and good. If it isn't then you need to figure out how you both feel about that.
Talk to your husband. It's probably safe to assume that he'll work it out for himself anyway, so lying is not going to help. If your swinging then you're both probably good at dealing with jealousy and insecurity and all that other stuff. Deal with this the same way - be honest and open and try to find a way to make it work for both of you.
Oh, and next time you might want to use a condom.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): yes, please ave an abortion, swinging and still having unprotected sex!!! with soooo many men, wow. what a life!
you are so young, your personal life is just that. however think of the consequences, all the possibility of STDs/STI's.
you want to be seen as responsible so please use protection. You are enjoying you life right now. why complicate it with an unwanted baby, and yes, this baby is UNWANTED AND WILL BE UNLOVED (BY YOU AND HUBBY). THIS BABY IS A BURDEN TO YOUR FREE LIFE, you don't have to be a genius to figure it out.
if you are into swinging, and enjoying it, and haviing multiple partners at the same time, i am assuming that abortion is not a dirty deed to you. You are open to suggestion so please for your sake as well as that unborn child's just get rid of it. You will be doing that child favour in the long run. You are not readu for a child, and heaven forbid, 5 men taking paternity tests to see who the babydaddy is. What a pickle you are in, don't complicate this any further by LYING and passing this off as your husbands. Too many women have been duping men for too long now. Don't you start! aT LEAST SHOW YOUR HUSBAND SOME RESPECT, EVEN IF YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): You can't keep the paternity of a child secret anymore. Not in 2009. If the child's paternity doesn't come out in the short term it will come out in the future anyway just for medical reasons.
Why are you even trying to be deceptive here? I don't see how your husband could fail to connect the dots with a multiple-man unprotected orgy and then you're giving birth 9 months later.
Have an abortion, PLEASE. This is such a textbook case of the wrong way to bring a kid into the world.
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A
male
reader, NightLad +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Hello,
I don’t mean to start this message out on a cynical note, but I wonder if that other woman is offering that advice because she is afraid it might be her own husband’s. Food for thought.
I don’t see a reason for you to keep this from your husband. The way I perceive it, you and your husband share an uncommon amount of security and trust with one another. Whatever else people may say about swingers, I don’t think anybody could accuse you of being jealous or insecure! I’m also confident that your husband is probably bright enough to raise the question on his own, so an attempt to deceive him will be transparent.
You and your husband have experienced a lot together as a couple. However, on some level, as intelligent adults you must have acknowledged the possibility for this situation to arise. Although you may never have expected it to happen, it has. Now is the time to come together as responsible adults and openly discuss what to do.
I urge you to continue the foundation of trust and honesty your relationship seems to be based on. Don’t crack that foundation it with lies spurned by fear. Strengthen yourself with the knowledge that your husband was there at the time, too. There is no blame to be placed here.
Besides, as medical technology continues to evolve many simple blood tests can raise red flags about paternity, not to mention all the other forms of DNA and genetic identification. I can’t imagine that you desire to live your life in a shadow of fear and unknowing. Keeping this situation a secret will not be an act of protecting your marriage, it will be an act of protecting the deception -- and it is the type of deception that will require years of more lies. Stop it before it starts.
That is my advice. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Yesterday was April fools day! (you are taking the proverbial aren't you?)
I'm sure your hubby will have doubts to paternity as I assume he was at this unprotected orgy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I hope you never tell your child how they were conceived. I have nothing against what your sexual actions are its a free world etc but to be unprotected - its purely irresponsible. Please find out who the father is asap after the birth. Maybe once you have a child to love and look after your lack of boundaries should be re-considered??? Your husband will just have to tolerate the humiliation. Just one other point.... how would you feel if your husband got another woman pregnant?
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Your husband has a right to know just as much as the potential "real" father.
Talk to your husband about this, he is just as much at fault for this situation since he was in on the swinging action.
I'm not against swinging, do as you like, but this is a consequence of unprotected sex.
You two need to decide together what you are going to do about this matter.
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A
female
reader, georgiexx +, writes (2 April 2009):
 thats a bit jeremy kyle really isn't it... take more care of yourself, its not only pregnancy you should be worried about, there is a high risk of contracting STD's and STI's
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (2 April 2009):
 youre stupid for doing it unprotected with five men ! its your own fault! ...and the way of finding out is to do a paternity test when the baby is born!
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