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age
41-50,
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writes: Hi please bear with me for a few mins and take the time to read this.The story so far....I was BEST friends with a girl for a couple of years until 5 months ago when I accidentally backed my car into her mail box at her rental property. I apologised immediately and rang my insurance company to put in a claim. What happened is she decided she didn't want to wait for all the paperwork etc to go through so she got her dad to rebuild the one I had broken (its brick by the way). I offered to buy new bricks which her father declined as well as pay him for labour....also declined.I should also add that I went out with his son and this girls brother for 8 years and a year ago was cheated on and dumped so maybe the father felt bad for me.Anyway I thought all was fine until i tried to ring her the day after the mail box was fixed and she would not answer. For 2 months I either called her or texted her every day and got no reply. We go to uni together but this occured on the holidays.When we got back to uni it was awful. She wont speak to me and gives me filthy looks all day long. Im at my wits end I tried to make up with her and so far she wont tell me what iv done but iv heard from her brother and mum that she isn't speaking to me because of a mail box.Lately she has been going around uni telling everyone that when they ask me a question on how to do an assignment I tell them the wrong answer in the hope they will fail. I just found this out tonight and now I know why people have stopped talking to me at uni as well.She is also telling people I met my boyfriend on a dating website and last I heard publicly bagged me out to all my friends at netball when I couldnt play (i have ruptured my archillies tendon).Im so upset considering we were such good friends and am having trouble coping. I dont know what I should do. I lost a whole group of friends when my relationship of 8 years ended and its happening all over again.Im a good person and always try my best to help others. I dont know why this is hapening. My question is I have 6 months to go of uni. Should I keep facing all these people and get my degree or just through in the towel. My self esteem is at an all time low and I dont know if I can face everyone for another day of being shunned. Also what kind of person does this to someone?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): women are different from men so i'm not sure I understand BUT my 2cents are: 1) you felt hurt & angry 2) u blew up @ her. One day you might feel guilty you may not. bury the hatchet don't bear a grudge - extend the hand of friendship & forgiveness to her & if she accepts it fine, if she rejects it fine-let it go. if you won't that's your choice. good luck though & finish your degree & get on with your life.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 if she has restraining orders on lots of people i'd steer well clear. good luck in your exams
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Well, it's a little disappointing to hear you lowered yourself by swearing her out. You could've been just as effective telling her how she hurt you without cutting her down. You can't take words back, and I hope you 'rise above' this and remember friendships go through ups and downs, but it's always best to end things or walk away feeling good how you handled things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone thanks for your advice.
At christmas time I went to the girls parents house to see them as we are still quite close, I was with their son for 8 years after all and they still consider me almost a daughter.
I bought her parents lunch and also gave them a voucher for dinner for 2 at a nice reausturaunt as a thank you/christmas gift.
I was so angry last night that I tried to call this girl but she would not answer (no big surprise there) so I did something so bad, I left a message that said..and I quote
"you are such a c*** (girls name). I am so sick and tired of hearing all the s*** you say about me. If you have a F***** problem with me at least have the guts to tell me to my face instead of bitching behind my back like the gutless pathetic little coward that we all know she is.
anyway I know I made an impact because her brother rang me immediatley. She had rang him crying and told him about the message and asked him to "sort me out". It has backfired though because he just told her that she has been treating me horribly for nothing and she will be lucky if a message is all she gets. After all iv put up with all the shunning, thilthy looks, whispers behind by back, rumours and more and all iv done in retaliation is ask her to her face why she is acting the way she is (no answer just walked by like I wasn't there) and sent a message.
The message was bad, lots of BAD language and I feel pretty ashamed of myself really :-(
The thing is though im hapy it upset her at least I know she cares. What im thinking is that she knows she is in the wrong but also knows that at this stage i would never forgive her for how she has treated me.
Anyway in conclusion today is another day. Im just going to go to lectures and classes and go home. Your right 6 months isn't a long time and yes I do have a few good friends, a fantastic loving boyfriend that is a massive improvement on her brother. She has no boyfriend, has restraining orders on just about everyone and hardley any friends and I think jelousy is why she tries so hard to ruin my life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Hi again,
I just thought if I were you, I'd send a $50 gift card to her dad (Home Depot? or whatever you have), so they know you made an effort for the work involved to fix the brick. Then you can look back and feel good you tried to make things right...(and lay a little guilt on her ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I'm so sorry this has happened! You don't deserve this treatment! This girl is very immature and she's going to be Sorry for losing you for a Friend! As far as her telling people lies about you, TRUE friends will see through her and it will Turn back on Her. Please stay at uni, 6 months is such short time compared to the rest of your life...I learned in life all you need is 1 or 2 friends you can really trust, the rest can be just casual. You sound like a really nice person, so I get the feeling you have more friends than her. This is just 'normal life'...and who knows, she might call you someday apologizing and hoping you'll accept her back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): one thing u can do is to confront her why is she acting like that.
tell her to stop all this.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 April 2009):
she sounds evil and random.
back away from her and brush off her nasty lies like dust.
speak to a doctor, say you are depressed and explain how you FEEL specifically. this should bag you some time to rest. then recharge your batteries. revise for your exams and pass without letting her wierd nasty tendencies affect your success! hooray!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Let me try this again:
IT would be a total shame to throw away all YOUR hard work by leaving school. 6 months isn't forever, stay put. I think you are lucky that you've seen her true colors, with a friend like her who needs enemies. Once you get your degree you'll be able to start your career and you will meet all kinds of great people. Your future looks bright so just focus on that to get you by these next few months.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 April 2009):
I would be a total shame to throw away all you hard work by leaving school. 6 months isn't forever, stay put. I think you are lucky that you've seen her true colors, with a friend like her who needs enemies. Once you get your degree you'll be able to start your career and you will meet all kinds of great people. Your future looks bright so just focus on that to get you by these next few months.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (2 April 2009):
 dont leave uni! get through the 6months. just ignore her and only speak to people when they speak to you. get a new group of friends! join a new club or go to a new place to hang out. x
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