A
male
age
41-50,
*uca
writes:My girlfriend is terminally ill (cancer). She kept the information from everyone, including work, her family, other friends.She told me that she wants no one (including me) to interfere with her choices about medication, doctors and the like.I did not listen, I contacted her doctor just trying to help. In response she broke up with me saying that I did not respect her, I am the biggest disappointment of her life and that I never loved her. What should I do???????????
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male
reader, Shawn_W +, writes (26 January 2009):
My father's oldest sister died of cancer in 2002. No one other than her husband and daughter knew about it. Finally, her husband broke with her wishes, and started calling up family members. By this time, she had just a few days left to live and was in the hospital, so doped up on painkillers that she was in no position to object. It was really sad to see it go down the way that it did, but that's the kind of person that she was.
I think that you did the right thing. Your girlfriend is in a lot of pain right now, and is wrestling with the fact that she's going to die soon, so it's not surprising that she lashed out at you. You obviously care for her a great deal, otherwise you wouldn't have stayed by her side, nor would you have risked the relationship by doing what you did.
I think about the only advice that I could give to you is that you should continue to stand by her, regardless of your relationship status. Considering what she's faced with, she can use all the support that she can get, especially from those who love and care for her the most. Hopefully, she'll come around before it's too late, but if she doesn't, don't feel guilty. There is no one right answer in a situation like this, and you handled the situation in the way that you thought best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): How sad! I'm very sorry for you both. She is going through so much right now. Don't pressure her. Ask for forgiveness and promise her that you want to be there to support her and love her. But do not interfere if that is her wish! Just gently try to regain her trust. And allow her the freedom of her own decisions!
Good Luck to you both!
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