A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend's old friend / ex boyfriend invited her to the movies with him, alone. Her and I have been dating for 18 months and I've never really felt like this before. I feel, not that she would cheat on me or anything, but the ex will do something during the movie to her (horror-like movie). It's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust the ex. My girlfriend is very flirty and i dont know, i just feel like something might happen which would cause complications between us. I love her so much, what should i do? I have tried talking to her about similar situations, and she tells me that she is just friends with them. It's just really bothering me and i know that there is no way to know exactly what happens, only what she tells me.I just really do not trust this guy at all and I do not know what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): Thanks for the advice. I'm just not sure, as this isnt her most recent ex. She had a boyfriend for about 10 months after this guy. So I'm pretty sure they have both moved on. Also, she hasnt seen this guy pretty much ever since they broke up, so im not really sure about anything. And the sad thing is, is that i would ask "How would it feel if i went with an ex?" but, she's the only girlfriend ive ever had and she means the world to me
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (23 September 2011):
It is ok for you to trust her and also not be comfortable with the situation, and not trust him. You can tell her all of those things. Tell her that you don't like her choosing to put herself in situations where she can be taken advantage of, but that you do trust her. Once you have had your say, it is up to her what she chooses to do. It is ok for her to go to a movie with her ex, you are nervous about it and jealous but it is within her rights to spend her time with whoever she wants to, and have friendships with whoever she chooses, it is not for you to tell her who she can hang out with and what she can do.
You need to let her take responsibility for herself, which is where the real trust comes in. Time will tell if she is truly trustworthy or not, but your job is to decide if you trust her or not, and if you do, give her the freedom to live her life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): You should tell your girlfriend straight that you don't want her going to the cinema with her ex! As it is wrong, she SHOULDN'T be going to the cinema with him, it's like they're going on a date.I'm not saying it's not right for her to be friends with him, it's okay for her to still talk to him now and again and hang out socially with other friends. But it is NOT appropriate for her to be going the cinema with him, especially on her own
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Talk to her and tell her you are uncomfortable with the situation.
Being friends with an ex is ok. Hanging out with an ex is ok. But, doing anything "date-like" with an ex is NOT OK.
I had this SAME experience, but with my now EX bf. His ex gf wanted to invite him out, alone, to a social function.
He went on and on about how she was an ex, there were only friendly feelings, etc. I told him it was disrespectful of HER to ask him, knowing he was in a committed relationship. It was also disrespectful of HIM to accept.
It was clearly a date-like situation. I told him how I felt and why I was not ok with it. He got angry.
I smiled and told him to have a great time. His demeanor changed and was very confused. I then told him that I would not be dating him anymore; so he was free to choose whatever company he wished.
I was dissapointed and he was angry, but we teach others how to treat us. It starts with speaking up and giving them our boudaries. Are you being reasonable with asking her not to put herself in a situation that appears like a date? Yes, IF you are in a committed relationship.
Otherwise, what does it mean to be EXCLUSIVE? Sex only?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I have been in a similar situation. I broke up with my girlfriend and after a long while, she hit me back up. The funny thing is she currently had a boyfriend. Anyways, we agreed to meet up ( not thinking anything would happen). However, lo and behold, i ended up sleeping with her and helping her cheat on her boyfriend for about 3 months!The poor guy had no idea because he "trusts" his girlfriend. Piece of advice from someone whose been on the tip of this triangle, dont let her...and make sure she doesn't do it behind your back either. If she cared enough about you or loved you enough, she shouldn't have any reason to return to her past. Maybe you should reevaluate your relationship and how much she actually cares about it. Just the thought of meeting up with her ex should make you question how strong your bond is.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 September 2011):
 It's inappropriate and disrespectful to your relationship for her to date someone else while with you. And that's what this is -- she's going on a date with the ex.
When you decide that you're boyfriend/girlfriend, you don't see exes, period. If she wants that privilege, then she needs to be single and not with someone else.
I wouldn't stand for it at all. How would she feel if you asked an ex of yours out to a movie alone while dating her? No way.
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A
male
reader, iantheloving  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 18 months is a long time, has she made hints about marraige? Your girlfriend might just be trying to get your attention, if you cant see your life being without her and she has been looking in jewellers shops when you are out, then she wants to move you,s on, but as the other part of the relationship you have a choice too, dont know your situation but "that situation" has obv. passed now, i urge you not to let fear hold you back, welcome to the mysterious world of women, good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): No. That is totally inappropriate and completely out of line for your girlfriend to be going out with an ex. Period. If they are friends now and he has a girlfriend, and everyone has moved on, then all of you going out together would be a lot better and acceptable if everyone is comfortable with it. You may trust your girlfriend, but you are a guy, think like one on this....this has trouble written all over it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 September 2011):
 It comes down to whether you trust your GF or not. I would tell her how you feel though and let her make up her mind whether it is right or not for her to go. In my honest opinion, if you tell her she CAN'T go, she will want to go. And on the other hand, if she really respect and trust you she won't go to the movie with an ex, she would go with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I've known flirty girls, especially the "pretty flirty girl" who flirts with everyone. And then she acts surprised when guys hit on her or when her boyfriend gets jealous. It is annoying. "We're just friends," that very well could be true for her, but not necessarily for the guys. They may see it as an invitation that she likes them.
I personally think it is disrespectful to go with an ex to any type of "date" like function, like dinner or a movie. Now if there was a child and they both had to go to the child's soccer game that's one thing. But to go to the movies? No way. I also don't agree with keeping exes as friends, especially once you have a new b/f or g/f.
I would tell her how you feel. She needs to decide for herself what she wants, and if she can't respect your feelings or see why you are uncomfortable, then I would be concerned with trusting her....
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 September 2011):
 to be honest with you there are very few if any guys that would be happy with their girl going to the movies with an ex. And the movies when the lights go out is the perfect place for flirtive suggestive gestures. I would put my foot down here and tell her that you are not happy with this atal. Be open and honest and tell her how you feel. If she loves and respects you she won't even contemplate going.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I guess the only thing that you can do is tell her how you feel. Of course it is going to be hard on you knowing that she is going to watch a movie alone with her ex boyfriend, talk to her and ask her how she would feel if it was you asking your ex girlfriend to a movie. My guess is that she would feel exactly the same. Tell her how uncomfortable it is making you feel and just talk to her, it is your only option.
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