A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm gonna go ahead and leave our ages out of it, but my girlfriends ex boyfriend took her virginity when she was 14, she's not a trampy little teen slut, she's an incredible girl who thought she was in love. her ex cheated on her and then treated her like shit, then he went on his mission (damn Mormons) i don't hold anything against her, its in the past and it doesn't matter, but we've been dating for close to a year now and we do have sex, but she has some pretty serious intimacy issues. she feels used and abused by her ex even though its been well over a year. when we are intimate she sometimes feels disgusted with herself and has cried afterwards. i feel horrible and just emphasize to her how little sex means to me, and how much i love her. i've told her we don't have to do anything ever and i just try and make her feel better.I just want to try and help her get over her past, i want her to enjoy sex not dread it. she tells me she likes it, and sometimes she doesn't feel disgusted at all, and tells me it was perfect, but other times she's distraught for hours.i love this girl and plan to marry her in the future, i just wanna help her however i can, any advice?
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female
reader, xXxLisaxXx  +, writes (24 February 2009):
The age thing dosent even concern me ... I think your a lovely man who respects her and thats what she needs. Good luck hun you deserve it xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do spend as much time with her as possible, when she's out of school each day i'm there to pick her up, we're together for a few hours then i'm off to work, we talk on the phone every night and every morning, and on my days off we're together all day and all night, she's my best friend and i love her, i don't want to be hassled about it, cause i'm sure there's some parents of teens on here but she's now 16 a junior in high school and i'm 18 about to graduate, we've been together over a year now and we both know that we started the physical aspect of our relationship sooner than we should have but its a little late to change that, i just want to reinforce to her how much our relationship means to me and that no matter how long it takes for her to be comfortable with physical things, that i will be there patiently waiting. in our relationship i'm more of the romantic about things,(like marriage, and settling down) partly because how badly she was hurt by the ex. she just doesn't trust so easily, but i completely understand that, i would be very untrusting for a while if i got cheated on too, but she's coming around.
when she graduates we plan to move in together, get an apartment while we go to college, thats a few years down the line though so i guess i'll see where we're at then, in the mean time i'll continue spending tons of time with her, comforting her and loving her.
but thankyou to those who answered, i hope me mentioning our ages doesn't change how you guys respond
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou guys :) we have a great relationship right now, and i'm completely in love with her, i don't want to rush her into anything and i've made that very clear to her from the get go. we are going strong and i plan to keep it that way, if time won't heal than i will talk to her about seeing someone, she has told me before that she has a problem, and that she feels badly about it. but since i've posted the question originally she's already changed a bit, instead of me wanting to be intimate and having to talk her into it, she's been suggesting it more and more. yay!i will continue to update. thanks for the advice, and happy valentines day :)
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A
female
reader, xXxLisaxXx +, writes (24 January 2009):
Hi hun you sound like my boyfriend I had to double check it.
We had the same problem over a year ago. When I was 14 I had my virginity took from me by a guy I thought loved me but didnt and it crushed me. I had other issues as well though vor instance problems with my Dad which made me very untrustworthy of men. However, 2 years ago i met my boyfriend and he is a bit older than me but you wouldnt believe it when you see us. I used to get really uncomfortable when we had sex and couldn't do anything for him. But he was patient with me and made me see that he was one of the good guys and I adore him for it.
I think you need to get her counselling though like the previous answer says, it is nothing to do with you it just brings back horrific memories for her. Believe me though once she overcomes it you will be stronger than anything.
Good Luck and be patient for her which am sure you will be xxx
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