A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I had a very emotionally intense relationship. She started full steam ahead (usually what I do) and I just went along for the ride. She has a 12 year old son that I was introduced to and spent time with as well. We had a future planned and things were going good. I sense she has some control issues and became over sensitive to things I said and my reactions towards things. She said she needs time to figure out where things went wrong and feels that the trust is gone ( i have no idea why) and she is afraid of me (i have no idea why either) as our infrequent arguments were minor and all part of the process and never got physical. I told her that I wanted to make it work and was willing to do whatever it took. She said she loves me but is hesitant. I told her I loved her and will give her space. She thanked me for that, so now what???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): If she has specifically asked for space, then respect her wishes and do that... however, the fact she says she loves you but is hesitant, if you know the two of you are meant to be together and continue with that future you were planning, then you need to win her over!
If a face-to-face situation is not possible, perhaps write her a letter. Tell her everything you feel. How you were excited about the future with her and her son, and that you still want them and that future. Apologise for the incident where you cursed in front of her son and temporarily lost your cool. Apologise for anything you feel you may have said or done which was wrong. Promise to change and mean it. Follow your words with actions. You have mentioned a once off incident, but if it's been a constant, enroll in anger management or go for counselling regarding any unaddressed issues you may have from the past, which could help with your present and future.
Remind her you are doing your best, and let her know what you are doing to change, if that is necessary in any areas. Do research on the internet, talk to family and friends and get various viewpoints on everything, so that you are the best man you can be, so that when she has had her space, she will see the future clear, with you in it.
Don't date anybody else, or do anything that during this time-out she is taking to think, may force her to make a final decision. Drop off the personalised letter, and give her the space to think, and ... GOOD LUCK!
Best Wishes
xxxx E
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): dorothy- thanks for the insight. and there was one incident that i was mad at something stupid and cursed in front of her son, slammed the door and sped off down the road. i totally could have handled it differently. this may have been the catalyst as she stated to me that "she saw a side she didnt know existed" I explained to her that i do have a short fuse sometimes but get over it in about 30 seconds. she told me that she wasnt looking for perfection, just someone perfect for her. and is now hesitant because she wasnt as certain as she was before. I also told her all that i can about wanting to make it work and will do whatever it takes. This is my 1st relationship in about 10 years so i know I need some fine tuning..
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 March 2012):
Hi there. Although you didn't get physical with her during the arguments, do you remember whether you made any threatening remarks to her that could have been misinterpreted?
During arguments as emotions get fired up, we all sometimes say things we later regret.
Especially if during the heat of the moment, we start to personally attack them by insulting them or using bad language.
If you didn't actually push her or touch her in any way, did you become violent in other ways - like punch a wall, kick something, throw things around in temper, break something - these are also acts of violence, that could very easily cause her to assume you were capable of hitting her, or her son.
And if that is the case, it could cause her to feel a sense of fear around you.
Perhaps it is that you have a short fuse, and sometimes lose patience with people very quickly.
And if that is true, well then she might be walking around on eggshells, trying hard not to upset you and make you get angry.
Not knowing when you might fly off the handle and maybe lose control.
It's hard to know what goes through a person's mind in these situations.
You do need to sit down with her soon, and have a really good hear to heart chat about everything.
And you both need to know where you stand in this relationship, and what are your expectations, regarding the future.
If the breakup wasn't over the arguments, maybe she felt you were seeing too much of each other, to the point where she felt she had no time to herself.
It could be man different things really.
Maybe she isn't sure where the relationship is going, or if its going anywhere.
As you mentioned she needed space, this is probably a good thing to get her thoughts together.
In any case, there are some minor issues it seems.
When you mentioned she had some control issues, you also said that she was kind of pushing things along quickly at first, so perhaps she then got to thinking, that things were actually moving along a little TOO FAST, even for her!
So then, she realized this and slowed things down.
You do need to talk - after she's had some time to think - then take it from there.
The process can't be rushed though. All in good time.
It's also important when you do talk, that you go over all the things you do argue about, and try and resolve them right then and there.
If they are important things, well they need to be properly addressed, otherwise they will keep on coming up again and again.
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