A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and desperately need help. I've been with my boyfriend for well over 2 years and the last 6 months, things have been very rough. To sum up, there are major trust issues with him emotionally cheating and also he has become verbally abusive.We own a condo together so I had had enough and moved all my stuff out saying I needed to back off and reevaluate us. He was beyond angry and when he found out I'm not paying the bills with him anymore, he blew his top. I understand he's angry and hurt but there is a limit and he says I never consider his feelings etc etc (not true)along with every other put down he gave me. Now the issue is he gave me an ultimatum saying if I don't pay the bills again and move back now, its over. What do I do? It feels like he's not understanding why I even pulled back! I love him deeply and go into a depression thinking of him moving on too! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): You are having relationship issues, that doesn't cancel out your obligations to pay your share for the bills, you both own the condo together, so you are both responsible to pay the bills. It has nothing to do with your relationship problems. You chose to move out to decide what you want to do, you didn't get thrown out and you didn't ask him if he was willing to take on paying all the bills while you sorted yourself out, so yes he has a right to be angry. You have to continue paying your share of the bills for your property irregardless of your relationship problems. I can see how he feels that you don't consider about his feelings in this because that is what your actions are telling him. If you love him then you work on the relationship together, he did stuff I understand that, but running away isn't going to solve anything. You need to figure yourself out, and pay your share of the bills while your doing it.
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 March 2012):
 What difference does it make why you pulled back if you're bills are piling up around your ears? Are you expecting him to carry the load himself? Are the bank and utility companies supposed to just wait while you sort yourself out?
You'd expect your share of the profits if the property is sold wouldn't you? You're not living there by choice. No one threw you out, so yes, you're obliged to contribute to the household.
Regardless of whose right or wrong here simply running away and getting depressed isn't going to solve anything. You've got some decisions to make and soon, by the sounds of it.
You know exactly what kind of person your boyfriend is, what he has done and what he is capable of doing again. HE doesn't need to understand anything, though it would be nice if he did. YOU need to decide if what you have is good enough and if it isn't what YOU'RE prepared to do about it.
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