A
male
age
36-40,
*igo
writes:I know this is a bit long, but i have to get this off my chest and i want ur opinions..I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months. I am 22 and she is 19. the first five months , the relationship was great, we would spend a lot of time with each other, she told me that she is falling for me and she got me chocolate shaped chocolates that she picked out just for me. ( w havnt told each other "i love you" yet). We have had our arguments, ups and downs...but which relationship doesnt have those? and the confusing thig is she says she doesnt believe in love and she doesnt want this relationship to go beyond (liking) each other, that she doesnt want a relationship thats too meaningful and deep, if thats the case then why give me those heart chocolates and tell me that ur falling for me?anyway it was all going great with her until she started changing. She didnt wanna see me as much anymore cuz she woke up to the fact that she hasnt been seeing her friends as much as she was single ( she was the one that insisted on seeing me a lot during the first 5 months, almost everyday).She started being mean, cold, and inconsiderate. I also noticed how she loves attention, and being the center of attention, to a huge extent. I have been trying to make plans for dinner with her for the past month, or even to spend sometime together outside of uni, but she has cancelled on me at least 6 times. She suggested that she spends the day with me on thursday, but she changed her mind cuz she had to do some uni work,I asked her on wednesday if she would like to have dinner on saturday after her work,. last night she tells me she wont be able to, and she ends up having a drink with her work mates for about and hour and a half after work . I would expect us to become closer with time, but she seems to have fears or insecurities, that have made her act the way she is acting, i dont know what they are but its bothering me a lot and is making me more unhappy than i am happy in this relationship, i have really tried to make this work, a lot more than her , but am starting to give up on this...i treat her with nothing but respect, and am starting to fall for her, but i dont want to fall for the wrong girl. Whenever i have a problem and i wanna talk about it, she says she doesnt want to talk, and she gets afraid that i might break up with her when i hint that i might do it.What does she want from me? should i give her time and space to see what happens with her or should i break up with her and get it over with?is there a possibility that she is acting the way she is because i havnt told her i love her yet and she is afraid of having stronger feelings without having them returned back? which is driving her to act that way?ur opinions would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lola29  +, writes (26 September 2009):
well you have a very confusing "gf" on your hands. You need to stand up to her, and tell her you're confused on what she wants and what is she really afraid of. maybe her past has gotten to her and some relationship ended badly or some influence from her parents.
i really think you need to talk to her, and i mean really talk to her. face to face and no delays. if this goes on, there will be no "love" anymore, and if you do love her so much , which i think you do already,you're too sick of her attitude and it will just end badly and your message won't get through to her.
you have a life. she needs to see that she can't always be the center of urs.
you can find a better person to share your dreams with, and it could be her, but she needs to see your hurting and that you care too much to let her go so easily.
take care and good luck.
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