A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a best friend who I care about dearly. He's my friends with benefits though. We've had this relationship for 7 months now. I developed feelings for him a long the way but he insisted that he doesn't want a relationship and that he's incapable to love because of his past. I'm not looking for anything serious either but he knows how I feel about him. He encourages me to see other people but I don't want to. He's been doing this for a while to the point where I feel like I have to in order to sustain our friendship and still keep him with me. The other night his best friend and him came over to my house. We were all drinking and got incredibly drunk. My friend told me to have sex with his best friend. I didn't want to but he made a deal with me that if I have sex with his friend, he will have sex with me right afterwards. Stupid me being drunk believed him. I lead his best friend to my room knowing that I wasn't going to have sex with him but instead talk to him. But once we got to my room his friend started making out with me and thats as far as it got. Now, my best friend is hurt and he's like "this is why I don't trust bitches" But he doesn't understand that this is KILLING ME. I don't know how to fix it. I hate blaming things on alcohol but I was literally weak and couldn't do anything. But I knew my mindset was to not have sex with his friend. And I didn't. But just making out is hurting us. I'm confused. I don't know where this relationship was, or where its going anymore. But I don't want to lose my friend. I love him...
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Sorry to say this but you are in love with and 'best friends' with an idiot. An idiot that is going to damage you.
He says he is incapable of love because of his past. Nonsense. Only psychopaths are incabable of love. He's just making a bad excuse to avoid commitment to you so he can sleep with other girls guilt-free.
That you feel you have to sleep with others to sustain your friendship is awful. Do you realize that friendship is based on respect and wanting good things for each other? Instead he is pimping you out. That is the total opposite of friendship: it's manipulative abd abusive behaviour. The word 'PIMP' is exactly the right one: forcing a girl to have sex with another man before she gets affection from him is exactly how a pimp behaves. You need to ask yourself if you want to be his whore?
You did well in that last situation: not having sex with his friend. But you are definitely going to end up in this situation again, and worse. He clearly has no respect for you and sees you not as a friend but as a piece of meat he can manipulate and trade as he sees fit: his "bitch" to use his own word.
You need to realize that your love for this guy will damage you terribly. You need to cut off all contact with him and any of his friends. He does not love you. He is not your friend. He is only using and abusing you. It will get worse, then much worse. Get out NOW while you still are not too hurt. The pain you experience of your love is nothing compared to the pain you'll experience in the future if you stay in contact with him.
Find some friends who are real friends instead. Never contact him again.
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