A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive fallen for my Friend with benefits but dont know where I stand. for 3 months we have been sleeping together and it is like nothing i have ever known before. Until a week ago everything was ok until he had some kind of 'meltdown'.I should start at the beginning. We were friends and kissed one night, from this we started seeing each other 2 or 3 evenings a week and kissing, cuddling, playing ect...no actual sex for about 5 weeks..when we finally did it was amazing, and this was all fine for about a month. We texed each other about 50 times a day and spoke on the phone, told each other we cared about each other, and couldnt bear not to be in contact all the time (this was 2 sided). Last weekend, i slipped up to my brother who is also his friend about what had been happening and the guy i have been seeing had a mass freakout and told me he just wanted to be friends and then dissapeared for 3 days. When he eventually turned up to see a mutual male friend these 3 days later he was in a mess, had had no sleep, hadnt shaved or anything. He made a big point to our mutual friend that he didnt want to loose me as a friend but didnt want a relationship at the moment. He even cried at one point and said that he couldnt bear to not have me in his life. The following day we met up to talk to each other and i told him i wasnt ready to be just friends with him and that if he wanted we could carry on sleeping together but with no strings attached, to which he agreed to (i have to add, it took him a while to say yes). So, this past week we have seen each other every day and had sex, but it isnt like before, he seems to have emotionally cut himself off from me and doesnt text me like before. I dont understand why, or what he wants - but i really want him, and not just as a friend. We are amazing together, get on well have chemistry like ive never known before, but i just dont understand whats happened. I need help because i havent eaten or slept properly in days. Also, i cant talk to him easily about my feelings because he will panic again. I just dont understand how he could say that he cares about me so much and then does this? Help.... :-(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Dear, please don't hurt yourself more. You need to face and accept the truth and learn to let go. It is not easy but you will find peace within and a peaceful mind.
Men don't like women who has no self-worth and self-respect. If you love yourself, do the right thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, i went into this as FWB as i thought it'd be a way to hold onto him. currently he's away visiting friends for a week and ive tried not to stay in touch with him in hopes that he may realise with me not around that he wants me... I just dont know, ive totally come to the realisation that im in love with this guy and just dont know where to go next with it all. Please help : (
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (4 June 2010):
This statement of yours made me ask myself, why you told him this when it is not what you want to be:"we met up to talk to each other and i told him i wasnt ready to be just friends with him and that if he wanted we could carry on sleeping together but with no strings attached, to which he agreed to" Dear, you just have to be true to yourself. Please him the things that pleases you, don't compromise. Your intimate friend surely doesn't know what he wants in his life and I strongly think you need to give him space for him to think clearly and communicate with his feelings. By standing beside him, he will not realize what he wants in his life and you will end up always as his friends with benefits and you don't like it, don't you?This time you need to stand up for yourself, have some self-worth, you owe it to yourself rather than rationalizing what he feels for you. Ask yourelf today, what is the truth and the reality of your relationship with him? Find the answer within you, face it with courage. You are suffering now because you are not living in the reality, you are living in your belief...Dear, it is time to face the reality. It is hard to step into the truth and reality for I feel you love him very much but you need to face it to set you free and live a life with peace of mind...when you will learn to accept all these facts...you will find inner joy and happiness within you. Don't worry, if he really loves you he will find means and make some effort to be with you...
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