A
female
age
30-35,
*ate323
writes:So i hear friends with benefits dosent work and i am not usually the type to be involved in one but i think i got myself stuck in it! So there is this guy i have met threw a mutual friend and we kinda hit it off from the start and were flirting back and forth with each other. The next day he asked if i would like to go out sometime and i agreed!He was really sweet and took me out for ice cream and we went to the movies. Well one thing led to another and we slept together. Afterwords i texted him and asked what his intentions are in everything and he responded that he liked me but was into the "partying" stage still and couldn't to a relationship. However because i really liked him i continued to hook up with him. This has now been going on for about a month where we hook up at least once a week. However i feel like he only texts me to hangout when he wants some with the exception of last weekend when he asked me to go to the movies. I know this kind of thing has happened before with him where hes hooked up with a girl and it eventually turned into a relationship. I just dont know if i should wait around and find out. I do really like him and would love to be in a relationship with him but hes just not for that yet. So is there anything i can do to make him want to commit or should i just call it quits?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): "Well one thing led to another and we slept together. Afterwords i texted him and asked what his intentions are in everything and he responded that he liked me but was into the "partying" stage still and couldn't to a relationship. However because i really liked him i continued to hook up with him."
He got you into bed without having to offer you anything and you continue to sleep with him; very few guys will pursue a relationship with a woman when he's already getting laid regularly and frequently, no benefit to him to increase his investment in her when in his mind she has nothing more to offer him.
"However i feel like he only texts me to hangout when he wants some with the exception of last weekend when he asked me to go to the movies."
That's exactly what's happening. Did he get some after the movie?
"I just dont know if i should wait around and find out. I do really like him and would love to be in a relationship with him but hes just not for that yet."
He's more than willing to string you along indefinitely while enjoying casual sex at his pleasure and convenience.
If you think contining to sleep with him is going to make him want to be in a relationship, then you are most likely quite mistaken. When you hopped into bed with him you gave up your best bargaining chip: the word "NO."
"So is there anything i can do to make him want to commit or should i just call it quits?"
Sorry, nothing you can do to make him want to commit, and every time you sleep with him you give him less reason and inclination to commit. Why should he? As my Irish grandmother (born 1895) often advised my late mother on matters of the heart, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Sounds like you got a little more than what you have bargained for.
At this point, you are free to see anyone you want. He is likely seeing other women as this point too and you may be just one of many. He has been straight up with you in terms of his intentions and what he is looking for in a relationship. Unfortunately, you were willing to take crumbs from him when what you really wanted was the whole cookie.
At this point, I think you need to make up your mind and be strong enough to stick with whatever decision you can live with. If you want to be more than his once a week hook-up, you need to state your case. Explain to him exactly what you want and that you aren't willing to take the facade of a relationship. If he is into you as much as you are into him, he'll likely commit. If not, then you were simply his weekly hook-up.
However, you'll also need to be strong enough to walk away. If you don't, you'll only set yourself up for misery down the road as you continue to please him sexually and get very little in return in terms of companionship and care. Also you risk having to deal with STDs and pregnancy. It will also hurt when he states he cannot see you because he's found someone else (if he hasn't already).
FWB situations don't often work out as they often wind up leaving one party feeling used.
I'd urge you to read "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives" By Dr Laura Schlessinger. It is a short book but I think it will be insightful and meaningful, especially at this juncture in your life.
Eddie
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