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Gained weight since being in a relationship, it affects our sex life, and really want to lose it! Any tips?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 November 2012) 12 Answers - (Newest, 21 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey guys, this isn't really a dating question, but it does effect my sex life with my boyfriend.

I am currently 180lbs at 5f 6 inches, and this is the heaviest I have ever been!

Before I moved in with my boyfriend I was around 140/150 and now I've just put on all this comfort weight! It's making me really unhappy to the point I don't even like my boyfriend touching me! I know I have to do something about it which I have started doing now.

I know you have to lose weight in a healthy way but I'm doing this 3-4 week kick start to lose 20lbs in that time. This will encourage me to keep going! The diet consists of eating 2 raw fruits and vegetables before a meal.. then eating 0-300 calories for the meal itself. Also drinking 1-2 liters of water a day. On top of that I go on long walks everyday and do 20 minutes of intense exercise (jumping jacks and bike mostly) a day.

I also downloaded the tap and track app for my iphone, it records the food you eat and tells you how many calories you should eat etc.

I was just wondering if there is anything else I can do!.. I have no problem with dieting but I just want to speed up the process as I am extremely unhappy with the extra weight! please help! xxxxxx

View related questions: lose weight, moved in, sex life

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012):

Just to add, alcohol is the enemy of getting fit. It's insanely packed with calories and also prevents any kind of muscular recovery or building. If you can give it up do, if not then only one day a week and try and keep it moderate.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012):

http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Is what I used initially. Got bored of it after a while though but that's just me, I hate stats and figures and stuff and I learned a good routine after about a month. but if you like that kind of stuff then you'll be at home with all the info you get.

It's free, has a calorie calculator for every single piece of food you can eat and it has an exercise tracker too, with tonnes of routines you can do and mix it up.

dmartin89 should be an inspiration for you OP. Try her website too and all her advice is spot on. It'll be very easy for her to maintain her level of fitness too because she enjoys what she does, it is a nice addition to her life, at this stage for her it's not only effortless (to a degree) but something she most likely looks forward to doing, and you get a really nice high after exercise too that leaves you feeling awesome for the rest of that day. I can say from my own experience too OP after losing that 50lbs in 6 months she would have been on top of the world and finding it hard to keep the smile off her face amidst all the compliments she would have received.

First thing you should know OP is you're allowed a cheat day once a week. If you're doing a routine such as mine or dmartin89's you can have a day of eating pizza and chips if you like, in moderation of course, just make sure the portion sizes are small enough, you can have some chocolate and stuff on that day too. People call it a cheat day, I personally call it a reward day. You do no exercise that day and you get to indulge yourself but of course not go crazy with portion sizes. It's important though even if you don't want to eat junk on your cheat day and want maintain a diet of no junk that you do no exercise on at least 2 days a week. Maximum 5 days is what you should do. Rest days are vital OP. Those are the days your body heals itself and builds muscle. It is the rest days that your body actually does all the work improving your body. Not many people understand that but when you exercise you force your body to adapt to new conditions. That's why when you do bicep curls your body will use the available food to adapt those muscles and improve then it does that on rest days.

The only tips I can really give you OP is to find something you enjoy doing. If you think going to the gym regularly is something you can do and enjoy go for it. I don't like gyms and having paid them money you always feel kind of forced to use it. I just bought a set of dumbbells with changeable weights, a rowing machine and a skipping rope. I started off by doing only body weight callisthenics, push ups, crunches, sit ups, burpees etc. then moved onto using the weights. You can work your entire body using dumbbells and callisthenics and you can find all sorts of full body routines on sparkpeople and other sites.

You're best off finding one you like and doing those, creating your very own unique exercise program. Experiment a bit and do as much reading on the subject as you can but be smart and ignore all the fad commercial bullshit. If it's a named routine something like 'johhny brickfaces amazing ab annihilator program' ignore it. If you see any explanation marks ignore it, don't take any supplements OP, none, normal things like cod liver oil, garlic oil etc. are okay but ignore any kind of supplement that promises fat loss or anything like that, they're all bullshit and can be harmful, ignore anyone who swears by a certain supplement, training regime, or anything like that OP and says it's amazing, those people are generally the types of fool that have tried all the fad diets and programs and thought they were amazing at the time. It's not rocket science, exercise + plus diet control = fitness, health and a nice physique.

Don't do weights/resistance two days in a row. Some people do split programs work the upper body one day and the legs the next, you're better off doing the whole body in one day then not the next day. You can still do moderate cardio the next day but not weights. Read up on DOMS, your muscles will be sore for a little while after exercise for a day or two for the first couple of weeks until your body gets used to it. It's a good thing OP, embrace that soreness, it means your body is doing it's job and you're doing well. Obviously if it's acute pain that's a problem.

Also OP form is everything. Always maintain proper form doing any exercise.

Every few weeks change your routine too and do different exercises or you'll reach a plateau.

Change your lifestyle a bit OP. Don't use lifts, use the stairs every time. Don't drive places, walk or cycle. OP a walk into town to do some shopping and walking home, for me that's about 40 minutes walking back and forth, I walk at a brisk pace everywhere and that's about 200-250 calories just doing some shopping. Everything in life can be used as an excuse to exercise. Want to have some fun with your boyfriend go take up squash or tennis together, go swimming together once a week, go bowling regularly these are all physical activities that will improve your health and are fun. There are literally millions of fun ways to use as an excuse to add a little bit of extra calorie burning to your day.

If you want this OP it's easy to achieve. For me though I never looked at my weight, for me it wasn't a goal because it's not a good measure of fitness anyway, plus I weigh about the same as I did when I was really fat because muscle weighs three times as much as fat and I have big muscle now.

I made my goal just to do the exercise. My goal last week was to do one day of weight and three days of cardio, I achieved that goal. This week it's three days weights, one day cardio. That way I always achieve my goals and I get instant satisfaction.

The best measure I found to measure results was how I felt. If I felt great, happy, stronger, more healthy then I'm doing well.

Look I know this all may seem like a lot to take in, a lot of work to think of it's not.

Just find a calli routine you like, start tracking your food intake and the amount of calories you're burning and take it form there. Everything I've just said is things I pick up over the years and you will too.

Be patient OP, you're going to do great, literally one week of exercise and good diet and you'll already start to feel healthier and better, after 3 weeks you'll start to subtle differences in your physique, after 4-5-6 weeks you'll start seeing some awesome differences. Just keep going, make your goals only one week at a time, focus on your goals for that week only and keep it up. Then in about 5 months see where you are. not only will you have lost the weight but you'll be fitter, stronger, happier, have a high libido, more confident and dying to throw in a bikini and show off.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2012):

dmartin89 agony auntWhat Cerebus said.

I was in exactely the same position as you 3 years ago. Went from 150lbs-220 within 6 months after meeting my partner. We ate out like crazy.

I lost 50lbs within 6 months by doing 20 mins of interval running/walking 5 times a week and also using freeweights and yoga. I wore a pedometer to make sure I walked at least 8,000 steps a day.

I used myfitnesspal.com to track my food and exercise - BEST THING EVER!!

I'm still about 20lbs "overweight" but I have a lot of dense muscle mass in my legs, arms and back so i'm not so worried about that.

The thing which I found most useful to do at the beginning is deffinately to keep track of everything you eat - you may be surprised at just how much you've been overeating by. And make exercise enjoyable - if you don't want to do something, don't do it, because it will just put you off all together. Burning fat is 80-90% in your diet, exercise just helps it along very nicely.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012):

It sounds like you doing it right, fruits and veggies, then 300 cal per meal.

The only thing is with your height and weightht you should have 5-6 of those a day.

I would also add weights to your exercising.

Never jump start your weight loss. Your body is not going to like it.

Also loosing more than 2 lb. A week will lead to muscle loss, and that will prolong your weight loss, as calorie burning will be much slower. You see how it all connected. You might see weight loss initially because of muscle loss, but then you will struggle with it. You need patience and persistence to go back to your healthy weight.

I used weight wAtcher and still refer to it. It's an excellent program that gives u points instead of calories. Very easy to use, check it out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

Hey Guys, this is OP, Cerberus, you are totally right! I'm just being impatient due to being unhappy !.. Your success story has made me a lot more happy to try it the slower way! .. Do you have any tips on weights/resistance training? I'm not clued up on this but would love to have some advice on it? .. Thank you everyone else also for taking the time to answer this question, I am feeling better about taking a slower approach and keeping the weight off for good! x

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (20 November 2012):

YouWish agony auntListen to Cerberus!!! If you continue to do what you're doing, you will TRASH your metabolism! Your body will go into starvation mode, releasing cortisol, and will cause your body to freak out and try to horde fat. When you stop this ridiculous unhealthy intake, you will gain back what you lost and loads more with a parting gift of fatigue and self-loathing!

Food is FUEL!! You need fuel. Good, fresh, nutrition-packed foods on a regular basis along with steady, regular cardiovascular exercise and weight/resistance training will get you there slow and steady, but much healthier. Not only will you lose weight, your very carriage, gait, tone, skin health, hair health, vision, and mental sharpness will improve.

If you're serious about losing weight and improving quality of life on a permanent basis, the best money and time you will ever spend is to schedule an appointment with a dietitian. He or she will evaluate YOU and tailor a great diet based on your personal metabolism and desired lifestyle.

You only have one life. If you cut corners, you shorten it and worsen your quality of the life you have. Slow down, do your homework, eat good, nutritious food in moderation, and live a realistic active lifestyle. You never mentioned weight training, and if you're really interested in losing weight, building muscle and strengthening your core will raise your metabolism, causing you to burn more calories even at rest. Trust me, you won't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger by adding weight or resistance training.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

Just a heads up OP. The healthy way of 2 pounds per week will lose you all your extra weight in about 5 months. Just in time for spring, a fitter, happier, healthier woman just time to throw on that bikini. by next summer you'll have gained this all back if you crash diet OP. Christmas dinner, drinks, party season etc.

Oh and weights/resistance training is the best way to burn fat OP. It makes your muscles stronger (not bigger, women don't get big muscles) and to the point where even sitting down doing nothing you're burning more fat than when you started and it also improves your metabolism which also burns fat at a faster rate. You see that's the trick to keeping the weight off OP, improve your body and it will do most of the work for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

Enjoy gaining all that weight back really quickly OP, enjoy completely destroying your health to lose weight which will all come back because you couldn't be patient, have fun trying to gain motivation when your energy reserves are sapped, you're constantly tired and you become lethargic because you've impaired your mental function.

You never crash diet, only idiots do that and there's a reason they yo-yo. OP crash dieting fucks up your metabolism, weakens your heart and makes weight loss slower and harder in the long term. You're putting your body into starvation mode and forcing it to store more fat, most of your weight loss will be muscle too OP, seeing as muscle is what burns fat you're making your body half as efficient at doing that, you won't have any tone OP, you'll just be loose and soft still. As soon as you adjust your diet to any kind of normal diet it will start panic storing fat. You won't get motivated OP, you'll just destroy your system and gain all that weight back and more.

1-2 pounds a week max is what you should be doing for maximum long term weight loss and also make you far healthier.

Here some basic literature on it from scientific and not commercial sources.

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/losing_weight/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crash_diet

OP do your research better and stop buying into some shitty commercial program, which promises amazing results really fast, and promises to give you the extra motivation to continue!!! But wait, there's more!!! Buy it now and you get the latest ab targeting piece of crap absolutely free.

If you lose that much weight in 3-4 weeks you'll be delighted when you look at the scales, but will you feel the same about the dark circles under your eyes, the muscle loss because you forced your body to start eating into it, the foggy brain, the irritability, constantly hungry feeling, the tiredness, the burn out, inability to sleep well the list goes on. You won't OP, trust me. In all my years on this earth I've seen women struggle and try every single fad out there, try every diet, get severe colon conditions from atkins, have their hair thin from crash dieting over and over again because it was more important to them to lose weight quickly every time just to suit their lack of patience.

OP it's not hard. I went from very fat to 8 pack in a year, that was over three years ago and I still have that body and I eat pretty well and don't restrict myself on anything.

You're 18-21, if you want to have a fit toned body for the rest of your life, you'll do this right, be patient and make some minor adjustments and put in a bit of effort.

No offence to jonas OP but do count calories. It's not a chore. You literally only have to check packs for about two weeks then you can literally tell how much calories something has by looking at it and think in your head what you're going to consume that day. I don't even have to anymore they take care of themselves, it's instinct to me now.

OP 1400-1500 calories a day is the minimum needed by a woman of your height and weight to maintain healthy brain function and other bodily functions. You go lower than that and it's malnutrition/under-nutrition. Now that's assuming you're literally just sitting in your chair all day. If you're an active woman which you are you have to adjust that to compensate for the calories you're burning.

Look I know I'm talking to wall here, I may aswell just blah-blah-blah for all the good it will do you. You're a woman, and you're just going to be useless at this because you have no patience and your goals are all wrong. It seems you ladies would rather just spend your youth, health and a hell of a lot of money constantly struggling with your weight.

Pity really, it only took me a year of my life to remove the fat and it will never come back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

my mum is in her late forties and walking everyday for one hour and eating sensibly, she lost 22 lb in 2 months,and she doesn't go hungry, basically she has small meals every 3/4 hours and exercises, so don't worry you'll lose the weight... Just don't think about it only as a diet, but as a change in your lifestyle otherwise you'll put the weight back on, try to get used to eating less, It worked for me, when I was an overweight teenager and my mother cooked for me I used to to have a grilled cheese sandwich and tall glass of chocolate milk for breakfast nowadays,I'm very satisfied with a toast and some cottage cheese, and a cup of coffee without sugar, sometimes of course I'll have a cookie or a croissant on weekends but getting used to eating smaller portions has worked really well to maintain the weight loss. I also don't never, ever eat takeaways, if I wanna eat doughnuts or pizza is all homemade, this way you make it healthier like baking the doughnuts instead of frying them, and you know what's in that... Hope it helps...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

Honey you should aim to lose a healthy 2lb a week or it will end up being a crash diet and as soon as u start eating normally again the weight will pile back on! Iv lost a stone and kept it off...my tips that worked for me are as follows.

Learn portion control. I was horrified when I realised that I was eating enough for nearly 2 ppl so i learned about what the correct portions for me where.

Water down your fruit juice, fruit juice can be high in sugar and sugar gets stored as fat if its not used.

Change from full fat to light everything! I took a good look at what i was eating and instead of giving things up i just changed all my food. I switched from full fat to skimmed milk, from normal yougurt and cheeses to low fat. I switched white bread for brown. Started eating dark chocolate instead of milk.

Plan all your meals and snacks. If your lifestyle alows it plan ahead. Make sure you have your meals planned for the week ahead and the stuff is there to make them. Always shop with a list and never go when your hungry or your less likely to stick to it and the naughty stuff will creap into the trolly.if you have planned meals your less likely to go for a quick fix.

Count your calories and make a deficite with an apropriate excercise. I found exercise to be a real chore untill i realised that things i do all the time can be exercise such as the housework/ gardening/ dancing round the room to my fav music so on top of my daily exercise i made an effort to do that little bit extra :) anyway i hope iv helped, you seem to be doing alot already and im sure that you will do well. As i said i lost a stone just doing the things that i mentioned above and have kept it off. I wish u the best of luck xxx

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (19 November 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntIt sounds as if you're doing everything right. Don't be in too much of a hurry or you'll just get run down/ exhausted and then won't be able to keep up the exercise ... slow and steady weight loss is best for long term weight loss. Good luck!

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A female reader, Dangerously Enthusiastic.  United Kingdom +, writes (19 November 2012):

Dangerously Enthusiastic.   agony auntBy any chance did you go on the pill at the start of your relationship?

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