A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been sleeping with one of my good friends but he doesn't want a relationship, which was fine with me at first but now I've been having feeling's for him but he has a crush on my best friend, but she doesn't feel the same way for him, so I have been told. I dont know what to do in this situation. I have been hurt once before and I don't think i can handle it, and he has really helped me through it but sometimes I really want something more from him but I don't think Im going to get it from him, So what should I do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 October 2011):
Hi there. Do you believe it is an FWB?
Does he take you out anywhere and spend money on you?
If he doesn't take you out, and it's a case of you go to his house or he comes to yours and you have sex then he goes home, well then it might be an FWB.
You can't do anything about the fact he seems to like your friend. That's something you have no control over.
If he wants to pursue her, well then he might do so. Or he might be saying that to make you jealous. It's hard to know really.
For now though, if you ever want him to become your boyfriend, it might be a good idea to cut out the sex and don't be available for him. You could say - "Sorry, I can't come over, I have to go out."
In other words, don't always be there at his beck and call.
At the moment, he probably knows you will keep on saying yes, so he doesn't need to try very hard to win you over. It's very easy for him - you're a pushover. You present no challenge to him. Men do like to be challenged, it gives you more personal value - to him.
Unfortunately, you will probably just have to wait and see what happens regards him and this friend of yours. Even though she isn't interested in him, it doesn't mean she won't go out with him if he asks her.
And in the meantime, go out and make a life for yourself, seeing your friends and having fun and enjoying your life more.
It will certainly make you more interesting, when he knows you are not at home waiting for him to call you. It makes you independent and a little unpredictable.
As it is otherwise, when you are home and you just happen to always be there if he calls, you are completely predictable. So by the very fact that you probably answer the phone within the first or second ring, he knows exactly how you think.
By having your own friends and your own life and interests, it makes you generally more interesting and it might give you more of a chance of getting into a steady relationship with him - rather than FWB.
Because ultimately, boyfriend and girlfriend status is what you really want, isn't it?
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