A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,Please please help me. I am a very very quiet person and keep to myself a lot. It takes a lot of time for me to get comfortable with anybody. I also get nervous in presence of people I don't know well. I started working at a new place a few months back and a few of my colleagues who joined with me have formed friendships with other people and do a lot of stuff together. I want to be able to open up and have a social life of my own but I panic when interacting with acquaintances. Do people who are good at socialising ever have awkward situations in a social setting like when you and another person say something at once and your voice gets drowned out? If so, does it linger in your mind that you were ignored and not say anything anymore? Or does this sort of thing happen to everybody and social butterflies are just able to brush these incidents away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): I was very shy in school, and kept pretty much to myself. Kids seemed to like me; because I could draw and I made things out of clay. I did a lot of posters and art projects from grade-school to high school, and earned popularity as side-effect. Yet I remained shy just the same. Nothing pulled me out of it. I would hold my head down and walk quickly everywhere I went; hoping no one would notice me. One time, one of my high school teachers made everyone stand before our class and give speeches. She noticed how shy I was when asked a question, and I to this day feel this speech project was particularly for my benefit.
Each speech had to be two full pages. On anything we believed in or something we considered to be our passion. Everyone was encouraged to applaud after every speech was done, and we had to face the audience and thank everyone.
I got a standing-ovation for my speech on kids with cancer and disabilities. One of my younger cousins spent most of his life in the hospital with childhood cancer, he died at only eight years old. We were the same age. It felt weird. We had to memorize most of the speech, because we had to look up and out at the class. You couldn't bury your face in your papers. I know I was shaking, but I saw all the other kids get-up and just do it. I know the extra applause was because they knew how hard it was for me. I was petrified.
I joined the Air Force after high school. Again, I was forced to face my fears. I had no choice. Life doesn't stand still, and people occupy every corner of the planet. There's no place to hide. My airmen buddies dragged me everywhere and forced me to open-up. No hiding or flying below the radar, you had to stand-out. You were picked out of the crowd and you were put out on display by your Sargent. I took night classes in orating and communication; and it helped me immensely. Now I do presentations and speeches before crowds for my company.
Push yourself. Go to public social events, mingle in the crowd, practice saying good morning everyday to your co-workers. Sit next to them at lunch, and ask someone what's exciting and fun to do socially. If you open-up, they'll extend a welcome hand. If you keep to yourself, it is often misread as being stuck-up. Shyness is a handicap for adults. It can hurt you at work, and will definitely minimize your love-life.
I still have awkward moments with strangers. I still freeze-up inside when I have to make a business speech in another city; but I practice in a mirror. I pretend I'm looking at people I know, and I just do it. I still feel the sweat forming on my brow, my armpits tingle, and my knees knock a little. I'm an adult, and I can't let myself be isolated; because I'm afraid of other human beings.
You won't be noticed if you're hiding from everyone. Part of the joy in life, is sharing yourself with other people. Not only your family, but other members of the human race.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 December 2016):
 You FAKE it till you make it.
Seriously. For people who are shy, introverts etc. the best thing you can do is "fake" it. Learn to pretend you are doing great in social situations.
YES, the social butterflies get awkward situations too. EVERYONE does. Learn to laugh at it and move on. Keep the ball rolling and KEEP practicing your social skills.
Start by saying hi to people you met every day. Like the receptionist at work or the gym or the checkout lady at the store. After a while of having said hi (and they say hi back) ask them how they are doing or bring up a little "weather report" like :"Wow did you see all the snow out there!" make it short and sweet or funny. Change it up.
With acquaintances - maybe find out what hobbies they have and bring that up - so THEY get to do the talking but you seem part of the conversation too.
But yes, it happens to everyone, some just don't care if a situation gets awkward.
Personally, I'm an introvert - but I'm extremely good at "faking" not being one when I have to. How do I do it? I MAKE myself do it. And if things get awkward I go "AWKWARD!" in my head and move along.
Don't WAIT for others to want to make friends with you. MAKE the first move no matter how hard it is. Doesn't mean you have to give them your life story but show then that you are interested and hopefully they will include you too. And let's say they plan to go go-karting and you could care less about go-karting - GO ! try new things.
PARTAKE in life. Nothing gets handed to you.
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