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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am a mid thirties married man with one child. For the last two years I have been friends with a single woman i used to go to night class with a year back. She moved earlier this year to another city and I am totally perplexed as to why i feel separated from her.Every couple of months i catch up with her for general chats etc when on business trips(not behind my wife's back. She knows of this woman and is completely aware my relationship with her is platonic). However everytime i see her i seem to be falling for her more and more. This woman is aloof and rather preoccupied with herself for the most part but we are both attention seekers with "dark" backgrounds and thats why we get on so well. We will go weeks without communicating with each other, which is supposed to be normal i guess and then when we do its kind of like "we gotta catch up" because we miss each other!I Did not want this to happen and last time we met I almost crossed the line but reminded myself that i do love my wife very much. But because the feelings have now gone out of control and i think about her too much i now have to take action. I think i have to end the friendship for everyone's sake so something stupid doesnt happen in the future. But how to do it? The method i should take? Its sucking the life out of me because when i was going through a bad patch earlier this year she was very good to me, making time to listen and giving me advice.Do I:-1) Just let the friendship fade. I.e make no attempt to contact her anymore and kind of ignore her communication (when she does). I dont like that option as she deserves more than that after two years!2) Email her goodbye.Trouble is words in writing can be mistrued and god...can be dangerous! 3) See her and tell her i have to say goodbye. That is what i think i should do and then we can both come to terms with it and carry on with our lives.I have to do end it somehow but here is an added complication - i loaned her a significant amount of money which she is unable to pay back at the mo. Maybe i should just write it off. Its not critical to me but i would like it back even if its some of it.Help me someone to get my brain in order and make the right move.Thanks
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 December 2006):
First of all you need to be honest with yourself. The relationship IS going on behind your wife's back because it is NOT platonic. You want her. Your wife is trusting you and you're foolong her.
Loaning her the money was a big mistake. Now you're stuck. Since you've been honest with your wife, does she know about the money?
I'd do this. IF you didn't cross the line, that is important. Does she know you're feelings? If she doesn't, you could play it off as if there were never any feelings. Bring your wife into the circle and mention the loan in the company of the other woman and your wife. If you've kept the loan a secret, your sunk. Why? Because if there was never anything but a platonic relationship you would never have hidden anything.
Start to focus on the fact it's just a friendship. Make sure the other woman gets the point and hope for the money back. Most of all,stop fooling yourself. We all like to think we are stronger than our physical chemistry. Sometimes were not and seduced by temptation.
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