A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago I went out with friends after work and ended up hitting it off with a coworker. We went back to his place and had a few too many and one thing led to another. We talked about it the next morning when we woke up and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious ad said he didn't at people from work finding out. I agreed with him, as I had just moved to the area and did't want to start dating til I'd settled in and also didn't want a reputation at work. So then two days later he calls me and asks if I want to hang out. I assume it's just a booty call and head over, but it turns out he did just want to hang out and watch movies. Turns out we have alot in common and there's alot of chemistry and we end up having sex again, this time sober. now it's been a month and I've spent the night at his place 5 times (but only had sex three of those times, the other 2 we fell asleep cuddling on his bed). He insists on keeping it quiet at work, and that he dosn't wat anything serious because his ex really messed him up and he has trust issues. But then when we hang out together he's affectionate and romantic and tells me that he cares about me more than he has any girl in years. But if I show HIM too much affection, or try to discuss 'us' he starts pushing me away like I'm being clingy. I'm not sure what is going on with him. If all he wanted was a friend with benefits then why is he being so romantic and sweet and telling me how much he cares about me? And if he is into me then why after a month is he still pushing me away if I get to close? the other night during sex he suddenly stops everything, when I asked him what was wrong all he would say is 'I hate how vulnerable I am with you' and then would't say anything else, just pulled me into his arms and fell asleep.I'm not sure how to proceed with this guy. I've never had a friend with benefits before, is this kind of intimacy normal or a sign he's into me? And if he IS into me, how do I get him to open up more so we can see where this goes?
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at work, booty call, co-worker, friend with benefits, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay something I think I need to clarify is that I am OKAY with us being friends with benefits. I went into this expecting that. I also went into this expecting the occasional booty call and that's it, so him acting romantic and being VERY emotionally open with me is what's throwing me. I've never been in a FWB situation before so I dunno if that's normal for guys or a sign he is starting to want more on some level. Either way I'm cool with it, I'm not looking for something serious but I am more than willing to see how this develops. I'm just confused about what he wants out of this and can't really talk to him about it without him shutting me out like *I'm* the one who's too involved
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 May 2012):
 EVERY GUY covets a "Friend with benefits" situation, if he can arrange it.....
For a guy, it means that he NEVER has to actually expose any of his emotions.... but can STILL get his "Mr Happy" to feel good when he wants.....
Women are too quick to offer sex to men, in hopes that there is an impending relationship......
Men, will feign a relationship FOREVER, if it means that they will get s*x......
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A
female
reader, dontwanttogiveup +, writes (29 May 2012):
If you're not comfortable with this "no strings attached" relationship then I would try having another talk with him explaining that you want something more and if he doesn't then maybe consider getting with someone who does want something more. I know having a friend and sexual partner is great but if he is not willing to give you more and that's what you want then there are plenty of other men who will be willing to give you more.
If you're okay with this type of relationship then I would just go with the flow. I was in a relationship similar to this for almost a year before I decided I deserve more.
Good luck and hope it turns out the way you want it to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): Hi,Firstly, I can tell from what you have written here that this guy is a little confusing to you. He does not want anything serious as he has stated but yet when you are with him, you can feel it being somewhat of a relationship and this is confusing to you, however the 'relationship' is entirely at his pace and his need, because when you try to reciprocate or initiate the same with him he pulls away. This is his way of saying 'Don't go there, I'm not ready'. I know that you would be quite happy to hang in there and wait for him to be ready because you genuinely like him and he does sound very sweet, just scarred from a previous relationship, but to be honest, Something I have learned from my own experiences and my friends, is that when a man tells you who he is and what he wants, BELIEVE HIM, he knows himself.Therefore....him stating numberous times 'I dont want anything serious' and pulling away from you when you get close to him is the real truth.Believe him when he tells you this.He is a nice guy, who genuinely on some level misses the companionship of a woman and enjoys the cuddling and watching movies and intimacy but as far as you getting close to him, he has told you how he feels.The only thing you can do to clear the confusion is to sit down and bring it up and say I know you say you dont want anything serious but when you invite me over to watch movies and hang out and open up and say certain things, As a woman it makes me feel this is more than just sex. This allows him insight into how we as women think. Men do NOT think like us and we are kidding ourselves if we try to believe they do. If he tells you its more than sex then you were right about all the signs hes giving you, but if he tells you ' I didnt realize it came across like this, I'll stop' then you know the truth.
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