A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just curious, especially want to hear what guys think. I've been friends with benefits with this guy now for a couple of months. We'll typically meet up like twice a month to hang out and go out (or stay in) for dinner together or watch a movie or go out for a couple of drinks (which he'll pay for everything all the time) before we go back to his place and start messing around. We get along great and have great conversations. He'll text me every couple of days to see how I'm doing. After doing some thinking about my life, I think that at this point I'm looking for something more serious now. It doesn't necessarily have to be with him, even though I like him and am very attracted to him and have a lot of respect for him as I think he does for me, but I'm not going to allow myself to actually fall for someone if they're not going to feel the same way about me. My question is, if I were to approach him and say something like "It's been fun, but I've been thinking and I think I want to start pursuing something more serious relationship wise. I know that you don't want that at this point in your life, so I think that we should stop seeing each other like this. If you still want to hang out as friends, and nothing more that just friends, that's cool." might that make him want to pursue me as more than a friends with benefits? Or would that all depend? And if it depends, then on what? Whatever happens, I'm still going to look for something more serious, whether its with him or not. Any insights to this would be appreciated, thanks.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 January 2009):
 In my opinion, you might get a better idea about the chances with this guy by shortening your speech. To begin the conversation, just say the first part, i.e., "It's been fun, but I've been thinking, and I think I want to start pursuing something more serious relationship wise." Then shut up and wait for his response. His response to that should tell you what you want to know.
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