A
female
age
36-40,
*rndz4life
writes:hiactually we are a group of some friends best of buddies u would say!! now the problem lies with one of the friend he got married a year back. his wife is very much possessive of her like she has asked him not to talk to any of us specially all the female friends.its like she feels he might discuss his personal problems with us and she wouldnt want that.now whenevr we frndz plan to meet out he backs off saying that his wife wouldnt like it.its like he has started distancing himself from us and my other frndz are really very upset about this.now why does his wife is so possesive that she doesnt even like any of us even texting him, neither is she ready to discuss her problem with her hubby nor letting us sort it out ( we were sort of "mutual friends" but after marriage she stopped her contacts wid us and now making my friend do that too)what should i do in this, i dont want to lose a frnd, should he really need to talk to her about this?? ( he isnt because she is like she would leave him not talk to him, do some harm to self )he doesnt wanna lose her as he really loves her but i dont wanna lose a friend how can i help him?????
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 while his wife may be wrong... the thing is she's his WIFE and she is going to take priority over his friends....
he's made his choice clearly...
you must respect and accept that this is how THEY want to run THEIR marriage...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): well you have to understand that once you are married, your spouse is your most important relationship. So he has to do whatever it takes in order to keep his marriage. If it means cutting out his friends, then that's what he has to do. Marriage requires sacrifices. Some people have to sacrifice their previous hobbies or dreams or other interests in order to maintain their marriage so as to not strain the relationship with their spouse. Some people have to sacrifice their previous friendships because their spouse feels it is coming between them. So if they value their marriage, they have to do it.
in the end, recognize that since he's married, his first loyalty has to be to his wife. So it's really not up to you to refuse to let go of him as a friend. He has made his choice, to choose his wife over you, so you should respect that and just leave him alone.
I know it sucks but try to put yourself in her shoes. Imagine your husband wanted to hang out with his friends who are women or be texting back and forth with them. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable about this and want him not to do it? And if he were to say "no" to you, woudln't you feel upset that he is choosing his friends over his marriage? Wouldn't you think that he should choose his wife's happiness over his friends?
Now I think it does suck that his wife is so insecure that she won't allow him to see his friends - who were there BEFORE their marriage. she is controlling. that's really too bad, for him. But since he chose to marry her, and he wants to stay married to her, he owes his first loyalties to her and to make his marriage work he has to make her happy. that's just the way marriage is.
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A
female
reader, Peonysheart +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Ive had this situation occur as well. My best friend of 13 years. I havent talked to him in almost 2 years as his wife wont allow it. I told him when he told me he wasnt allowed to be my friend anymore simply because I was a female, that he is allowing her to control him and thats not a healthy relationship, however it is his choice and if thats his wish I will respect it. I also however told him, I wish him the best in his new marriage and if and when he is ready to have our friendship again he knows how to get in contact with me. Im here for him all he need do is call. Its been two years but I dont believe that was the end. Friendships last a lifetime. I believe all you can do is be supportive as a friend. Just be there when he needs you. Im sure given enough time he will figure out that control doesnt equal happiness.Best of luck to you
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