A
female
age
30-35,
lacrymosa_652
writes:Have you ever been in a situation where you want to be with someone, but another person isn't happy about it, and therefore is standing in your way? Perhaps you've liked a sibling's friend, or a friend's relative, or someone your friend likes as well.For me, it was my best friend's ex-boyfriend.Now for some people, there are certain "no go" areas when it comes to dating, and I'm sure your best friend's ex is one of them. But not every situation in life is black and white. For me, there was a big grey area which meant that there was no simple choice. I loved my best friend, we'd been friends for seven years, and I didn't want to hurt her. However, I was becoming increasingly closer to her ex, and falling hard and fast for him.It reached a point where she said she couldn't be friends with me if I was with him, and he said he couldn't "just be friends" with me as it would hurt too much. I didn't want to hurt my best friend, but I thought it would hurt him more because he seemed really cut-up over losing me (plus he had a history of depression, which made me worried for him when he said certain things).In the end, I decided to be with him. This was my first relationship, with my first love. I hated to lose a friend, but I was always waiting for her to forgive me. She did start talking to me a couple of months later, but our friendship was rocky and we fell in and out.Six months after my boyfriend and I got together, he broke up with me. Why? Well, he never gave a clear reason as to why, but I think he couldn't cope with me when I was feeling down, because I apparently brought him down. After all of that, he didn't want to fight for me. He didn't even want to try, he just gave up. We tried being friends, and while I was determined for that to work, he was less so, and he stopped talking to me after a couple of months.My friend and I managed to re-build our friendship since then, and we're as close now as we used to be. I'm aware of how lucky I am to have her, and that really, I should have lost everything.In hindsight, I can see where I made mistakes. I shouldn't have even continued my friendship with him after they both broke up, let alone entered a relationship with him. I know now that he wouldn't have fallen into a depression over losing me (as he claimed he would) and would have just gotten with another girl instead. I risked my friendship with the best friend I ever had for a guy who exaggerated how much he loved me and who couldn't keep his promises. Not to mention how much I hurt my friend... feel free to judge me as much as you wish, but no-one can hate me like I hate myself for doing that to her.I feel blessed to have my best friend back in my life, and NOW I would choose her over him in a heartbeat. But I'm still hurt and somewhat heartbroken over someone who has completely moved on in his life, and I could have avoided the pain had I made a different decision.So to anyone who is or may one day be in a similar situation, I believe that there's no black and white answer as to what you should do. Keep certain things in mind:No matter how much you love someone, not all relationships will last.A friendship is likely to last longer than a romantic relationship will.Take into consideration what you stand to lose, as well as what you may gain, and ask yourself if it's worth the risk.Take other people's feelings into consideration as well as your own.Finally, never fail to realise that you could end up with nothing.
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best friend, broke up, heartbroken, her ex, last longer Reply to this Article
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female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (15 March 2011):
lacrymosa_652 is verified as being by the original poster of the question GeeGee, if it's helpful to at least one person, I'll be satisfied.And thank you for saying that.xXx
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Great story! Thanks for sharing, I am sure it will be helpful to some one else who is struggling with the same dilema. It takes a mature person to admit their mistakes and learn from them, you should be proud of yourself.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (14 March 2011):
lacrymosa_652 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks :)
I'm glad you managed to rebuild your friendship with your friend.xXx
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A
female
reader, Whos that chick xxx +, writes (13 March 2011):
 This article is great as it was the same for me and it took me alot too rebuild my friendship with my bestfriend now are relationship is great and the guy didn't want to work on a friendship also and he sed that he hates us both but oh well ive got my best mate and gained a sisterly relationship with her and we look back and laugh at that situation haha :) i loved the article as i know how this feels :)
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (3 March 2011):
lacrymosa_652 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, your comment is much appreciated :)
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (3 March 2011):
Your article is simply FANTASTIC. I do not have a problem like that but out of curiosity ive read the article and it is just excellent. i will keep it in mind if i happen to be in your situation.
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