A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please advice what to do!! This guy has gotten inside my friends head and is messing with her mentally and emotionally, and probably has no idea...Basically she's seeing this guy, they both made the effort a few times to see each other since they don't live close to each other, because of going to different universities. She's been to his hometown and his been to hers, difference is she met his family, which we see as a big deal for a guy to do. Anyways, she told me they used to text everyday and quite a lot, but she found out the day before that he couldn't come over here to see her, because of a family event got in the way, which was understandable. Even though I said he should have known beforehand! However, since then he hasn't been texting much, or he has taken a long time to reply! Now it's to the point where he hasn't texted for a few days, which made her worry that something was wrong. Then he randomly texted saying he was sorry that he hadn't texted in a while and has been really busy with his exams and work. This calmed her nerves and she was happy again knowing he was still interested and such. But then she replied pretty soon, but again.. it's been a few days and nothing!!? Now she's back to square one.. They were meant to see each other again this weekend because of not being able to last week, yet he took a while to reply to her and when he did he said he wasn't sure yet if he could come down...I don't want to tell her, but it really doesn't sound too good. She said she doesn't want to give up on him and why would he make such a big effort to travel to see her a few times, or let her meet the family, or in fact text her apologising for not speaking to her. IF he wasn't interested!? Way I see it, is sure he might actually be busy and guys aren't brilliant with texting, we all know this. But i get the impression that he's not interested anymore, I don't know what changed or why he's behaving differently with her, but she's on a rollecoaster with him!! And now she's thinking of asking him about this and where he sees it going, which i think is a bad idea to do...I wanted to get other peoples opinions on what you think and what she should do? (also, she hasn't slept with him yet so it can't be about that)
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 May 2012):
Hi there. It's probably not the best idea to put him on the spot by asking - "Where do you see this relationship going?"
What would probably be even better, would be if she perhaps called him (on the telephone) - rather than text him - and just ask him something like - "You seem to be rather distant lately, and I'm wondering if you are trying to tell me something with your actions, like if you want to call it off altogether?"
Then just see what he says to that.
It's a direct question, without asking him in a roundabout way if he has any intentions regards the future.
Even though that's probably what she's thinking for sure, it's mainly that she wants to know - is it on, or is it off?
That's the real question she has, isn't it?
He's probably telling her the truth, and he does have exams, family commitments etc.
And it's entirely possible, that the family commitments may come up at very short notice.
Remember, life can be very unpredictable at times, after all.
This is often the problem with texting as a main form of communication.
You don't always get an immediate answer to your text, right at that time.
They would be far better off talking on the telephone, and they would then have the opportunity to say much more than they would by texting. Texting is fairly limited and can become rather tiresome. And there's always the possibility of text messages being misinterpreted, which doesn't help either.
And not the mention, the delay in getting an answer to her text message.
At least talking on the landline you have immediate conversation and can talk for as long as you like.
STD calls in Australia are something like $2 - $2.50 per call, for up to 3 hours! That's not very expensive and very affordable.
I think that in future, she perhaps should consider that instead of just texting all the time. Texting is very impersonal.
There's nothing like hearing a person's voice at the other end of the telephone receiver.
It would also prevent these misunderstanding she is currently having.
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