A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There is a guy I have been talking to who I met through my friend for about 5 months, he's really nice and a gent at times, however yesterday me and my friend were talking and he came up in conversation and she said not to go for him (as in date) as he's an idiot and he just wants one thing but he's told her that I'm different and he won't mistreat me like the others. The problem is, I think I've become too attached in the 5 months of talking to him. What do I do?Do I ask him if it's true what he does? Do I forget him? Even though it won't be easy. Any advice?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 An acquaintance of mine dated a known player, and she had been warned by a mutual acquaintance about this guy well in advance. He's a very handsome and charming guy, who happens to be a 'bad boy' which for some reason intrigued this acquaintance.
The 'dating' led to sex and she wound up with an STD, one of those non-life threatening ones, but one that she will have to disclose to all future sex partners, Herpes.
I gather she'd been willing to listen to the guy but ignored her friend's well-meaning advice. This friend had no reason to lie to her about this guy, yet this woman ignored her well-meaning and sincere advice.
I'd listen to your friend, frankly. The guy has every reason to spin and charm and lie, in that he may get sex out of it. She has no reason to spin and lie to you, as even warning you about this may cost her your friendship.
Tell him you are prepared to go out on some lovely dates with him but won't be having sex until several months have passed and he's shown he's reliable and respectful. And don't go home with him or invite him to your home for at least 3 months.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Just because a man does not mistreat you, does not mean he sees you as more than a FWB.
If you want to DATE HIM (not sleep with him) then do so.
Listen to his ACTIONS not his words.
and remember people can enjoy sex with someone and not love them or want to be serious with them. This seems to apply to men more than to women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): "You're different" is a line all players use and it works a charm. Trust me OP, I was one. It means nothing. You're not different if he's a player, you're just the latest and probably only one of the girls he's trying to bone.
It's rather simple OP, if you don't want to be used for sex then take sex off the menu for a long time. Don't be alone with him somewhere where he will be able to try and get you to have sex and just date publicly for a few months.
No reason not to find out yourself what this guy is about as long as you're smart about it. Who knows, this guy may spend 3 months dating you and never pressure you into sex. If he starts early then you know your friend was right.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 June 2013):
Live and learn...
Take what both of them say with a grain of salt. Use your best judgment and don't LET him use you for sex. Unless you only want sex it's a good idea to make a guy prove that he wants more than sex with you using his actions, not words. That doesn't mean that he doesn't like you if he tries to have sex with you. It means if you tell him you want to wait to get to know each other first and he takes off he's only interested in sex.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Let your gut be your guide.
There's nothing wrong with dating him and allowing him to SHOW YOU through his -actions- that he's going to treat you the way you need to be treated.
And if you two end up not working out, where's the harm in giving it a shot? It's not like every relationship every person has absolutely MUST end in marriage. Dating for fun is perfectly acceptable.
You don't HAVE to sleep with him, and if he pressures you for sex, let him know if you're not ready. Follow your instincts.
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