A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I have this circle of friends who recently have been leaving me out. They always organize outings and parties and I never get invited; Except once when its a class outing. I think that one of them in this circle does not like me and is influencing the others to forget me. However this is only a guess, so it might be that I am left out because I am not "cool" enough. I know many of you will suggest that I either confront them to talk about it, or find a new group of friends, but I can't go for either of these options...This is because I don't want to lower my own confidence by sobbing to make them pity me. Neither do I want to find another group of friends because I like this group as they are hardworking, sensible, and I used to have such a great time with them. Without the options of confronting them or leaving them, I have no idea what to do...Please do advice me on this, thank you.,anonymous
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 January 2011):
Hi. Ok, so I wonder what has changed then, for this to suddenly start happening?
It does sound like some kind of jealousy by the ringleader towards you, or she is feeling insecure about something.
Have you and her recently had a big argument over anything? Or did you get picked to do something in your school, that she wanted to get for herself - but missed out? If so, that would make some waves, for sure. Think about it anyway. You might find a clue.
As you know who the ringleader is, you might have to have a chat with her to find out what's really going on. Especially as these friendships are so important to you.
To do this, you are going to have to get her alone, while none of the others are in sight. If you can make that happen somehow, then you at least have a chance of finding out what's behind all this. You do need to know.
Perhaps you could either call her at her house, or better still, go around and see her at her family home. Hopefully, she will come to the door and speak to you.
If she does, then the two of you could go for a walk around your neighbourhood or through a nice park nearby, and talk about everything then, and just see what she has to say. I hope that she will have enough respect for you, to be totally honest.
Another idea I just had, is you could write her a letter saying how you miss her and the other girls' friendships, and was wondering if you did or said anything to change things - or if you hurt her in any way. If so, you would like to know why.
The good thing about writing letters, is you can say exactly what you are thinking and feeling without feeling embarassed or silly. You can put all your thoughts down on paper and it comes right from the heart, and it's completely honest.
Try these things and see how you go. There has to be a reason for this problem happening. Everything happens for a reason. So it's up to you to find out, at least for your own personal satisfaction.
You could even try to get all of the other girls of your group aside (each of them alone), and see what they say as well. Perhaps they all say different things. Maybe they are all ok with you, it might just be the ringleader. She might just have a bee in her bonnet about something, but hasn't said anything to the others. In any case, it is a mystery to say the least - because it was so sudden.
I really hope you do get to the bottom of it once and for all, so you can all move forward as friends - together.
If you stay observant of things from now on - at school - you will see if the day to day events provide any more clues. There has to be a reason. Things like that don't happen for nothing.
Good luck and stay positive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe ringleader has been in my school for a long time and we used to be bestest friends.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (15 January 2011):
Hi there. There seems to be a ringleader here, so I believe your best course of action, would be to get in contact with the other girls in the group, by calling each of them at home and talking to them.
I am assuming that you know who that ringleader is among your group of friends. Do you know which one it is?
Even if you don't know, it should seem pretty clear by how each one of them is towards you when you go to classes. You are bound to not all be in every single class together, surely.
Over time, you will see that some of them treat you different to how others in the group treat you. So the ones who are nice to you, well then it probably isn't them who is behind all this. There must be one only, in the group who is somehow jealous of you. Perhaps you are better looking than that person. Girls do this sometimes, you know. It's not at all unusual.
Just suss it all out and over time you will find out the one who acts a bit cool towards and not very friendly. Confronting her might be a waste of time.
In the meantime, try to see if you can contact the other girls and find out what has happened, if you can.
In time to come, all the other girls might get to see her for what she really is. She might even turn on them. She certainly seems like a troublemaker, that's for sure.
She (whoever she is), isn't worth being a friend to.
A clue as to who the ringleader is, is she a new girl who recently started at your school? Then things went downhill from there?
Perhaps you could find out a few things about her. She might be hiding something. You just never know.
Don't go crying or pleading to be included in the group, that won't do anything. You are right, it would make you look needy and desperate.
So just give them all space and don't try and force things to happen. Things will probably calm down over time of their own accord anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): hello ..
just a little advice: just be who you are ,,you do not have to change to get the appreciate of these persons that u called FRIENDS because a real friend is the one who supports u at anytime .. u have to give them a chance to get u back and if they do not want . i am cure THEY ARE LOOSING!
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